The Search: Parts I and II

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Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

0 posted 1999-07-12 03:28 PM

Part I: My Beautiful Inspiration

Except for the few glimmers of dying sunlight,
I was alone in this world. Alone and tired.
To sleep was to give up, and that I would not do.
My quest for a friend led me down different paths,
but none quite like this. Luscious and beautiful,
firmly packed dirt trail with a babbling brook running 'longside.
I was lost in the enchantment, my eyes sparkled with life
for the first time in ages. Wondrous music filled the air
as I rounded a bend in the trail. A voice so sweet
accompanied the delicious sound. I came upon you
swaying gently back and forth as you plucked at the strings
of a magnificent instrument. You knelt under
the boughs of a lovely silver fir, your hair shimmering
through the shadows like a guiding star. Enchanting words
poured from your lips about wondrous angels and the fruits of heaven.
A salty drop escaped my battling lashes as I
witnessed your supple beauty and innocent grace.
I viewed my mirror of self reprisal and examined
the rustic shape that was me. I compared your
virgin soul to the damnable sins of mine. Another
tear fell from my eye as I whispered the most
painful words of my life. "Goodbye" broke into the
peaceful accord of your song and you raised your eyes.
You saw me walking morosely back down the trail I
had come on, as I saved your innocence from the
staining darkness of my lonely needs. The beauty
of your memory kept me going, as, alone in this world,
I searched out a friend whom I was worthy of.

Part II: My Incredible Agony

Winding paths travel through the hilly terrain.
A fine mist lies on the land, a wet blanket of grey.
Green and purple grass sways slightly in a gentle breeze.
Little creatures scamper away to hide in their dark holes,
as I slowly hike my way through this land of dreams.
I search still for that companion for my future,
that elusive one that refuses to be found.
The bittersweet memories of opportunities I left behind,
nip at my mind and tug at my soul,
yet another burden to my already weary heart.
I pick my way across rich dirt paths, taking myself
over hills and through valleys. Mist clings to my clothing,
casting a shine over my figure, a false aura of hope.
A radiant glow to match my own shimmers through the thick mist,
which I am drawn toward like a mesmerized moth.
I leave my self-appointed trail and stumble along lethargically.
I appear a drunkard as I trip again and again over tufts of grass.
I fall to my knees when I can no longer bear the pain of the brightness.
My hand raises to shield my eyes from the white intensity,
as a voice drifts slowly from the apparition.
I cannot process the words, as if they are in a language different than my own.
Of a sudden all goes black, and I continue my descent toward the earth.
My nose connects solidly with the hard turf, bringing tears to my already strained eyes.
The pain snaps my oblivious mind to the present, and I sit bolt upright.
An odd sense of tranquility passes over my body,
numbing the pain, and casting off my wearisome burden.
No longer do I wish to continue my journey, only to sit
In the cool grass and await my eternal peacefulness.
This thought strikes an awkward note in my languid mind.
I struggle for possession of my body, and slowly get to my feet.
The full weight of my quest strikes me across the shoulders
as I renew my pledge to continue, to find the one to share my pain.

[This message has been edited by Masked Intruder (edited 07-13-99).]

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

1 posted 1999-07-12 08:28 PM

Just started reading this so I thought I'd start with what first caught my eye.

It's confusing to the flow of words to begin each separate line with a capital letter.

I'll write more as I get into the poem.

But none quite like this. Luscious and beautiful,
firmly packed dirt trail with a babbling brook running 'longside

Question: is the dirt luscious and beautiful or the trail..perhaps the brook?

[This message has been edited by Poet deVine (edited 07-12-99).]

Masked Intruder

Moderator

Senior Member

since 1999-05-23

Posts 1231
Near golden sunsets

2 posted 1999-07-12 11:48 PM

I would say...that it can be interpreted in many ways. But I wrote it as describing the path/trail, and using the path/trail in a very general sense including the surrounding environment within the word. Luscious could describe the flora along the trail, luscious could describe the sense of peace that the trail bestows, etc etc etc.

Thanks for getting into it.

...and you're right. it is confusing with the case changes. i'm fixing it as we speak.

[This message has been edited by Masked Intruder (edited 07-13-99).]

doreen peri
Member Elite

since 1999-05-25

Posts 3812
Virginia

3 posted 1999-07-14 07:23 PM

Hey, MI-- this is a dream, isn't it? To me it was like dreaming, reading it --I've had dreams just like this. You used very vivid imagery and awakened my senses with your words making me feel like I was there. I loved it. I really did. I think this would work well as a prose piece, also... maybe even better. It's like a story and I'd be interested to see you take the lines and string them along in paragraphs... like a story... then take the story farther, to part 3 and part 4, etc. and see where it takes you. Dreams are pretty darned cool, aren't they.

As far as the deVine Ms. P's comment-- Sharon, I've made the exact same comment to people about the first letter of the line being capitalized and how it took away from the flow of it-- and I've been told that this is the correct "classical & correct" way to write poetry. Well, I say "so what?" and agree that when the next line is part of a sentence, let it flow without capitalizing it. But who am I to blow against the wind? (wait! That's a Paul Simon lyric.... I'm going to see Paul Simon AND Bob Dylan on Friday night... live on one stage... I'm so excited I can hardly contain myself!)

Geesh, MI, sorry for the ramble. Really cool poem... honest! luv ya,

dp

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