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Gunslinger
Senior Member
since 1999-10-09
Posts 901
TX, USA

0 posted 2020-09-25 10:41 PM


Simple minded? Maybe-
I believe that to be so…
People tend to tell me that
Most everywhere I go.

Perhaps that is the truth, sir.
I guess I’m not real smart-
But the biggest problem that I have
Is a complicated heart.

Call it what you will, friend-
I all too often find…
A stream of contradictions
That keep warring in my mind.

Pride contends with romance-
So, I find I can’t maintain-
Meaningful relationships-
It seems are all in vain.

I’d like to be romantic-
I am in all my dreams-
But when I face reality-
The romance fades, it seems.

My pride comes to the forefront-
I feel every thing’s a slight,
I just can’t give a little,
Even when I know she’s right.

It’s all too complicated
For a simpleton like me.
I guess that living lonely-
Is the way my life should be.

[This message has been edited by Gunslinger (09-26-2020 01:15 PM).]

© Copyright 2020 John R. Yaws - All Rights Reserved
Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
1 posted 2020-09-27 10:23 AM


I think we erect barriers around ourselves that prevent us from living or experiencing life to the fullest.  Maybe they are defense mechanisms, maybe a product of fear.  Anything can be overcome if one wants it bad enough, we tend to get comfortable in our (elbow's always out) loneliness though.  Convince ourselves this is always where we will end up, so there's no point in leaving it.  

Apologies if I gave this too much personal introspection, John.  Kind of hit home I guess.


Michael

Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
2 posted 2020-10-16 12:15 PM


quote:
The grass is never greener-
And  my life’s a deeper blue.


As your paintings are the only ones I’ve ever seen that may eclipse my own in pain, John, I will first applaud you for your creations because I relate to them all so well.  I will also address, from the standpoint of a friend, that I worry for you deeply at times over the aloneness the emanates from your work.

Typically, I've found out the portrait of problems I have tried fleeing from turns out to be my own creation.  If I don't first drop the brush, I only begin recreating a very similar creation once I've arrived somewhere new.  We have control of how we paint our own lives.  Sure, we can allow others a hand on the brush, but it is still ours to take back anytime we wish. If we don’t take it back, we are not allowing others to dictate our problems for us, just refusing to accept responsibility.

If we don't like the particular brush we paint with, by all means there are others.  We may have to reach a little bit, or look some place where we never have before, but that is what makes life itself a beautiful thing, isn’t it?  The truth that it is ours to navigate.  Sure, we come in alone...and many of us will leave in the same manner.  Knowing our days our numbered, however, and knowing that seeking “personal” happiness holds a great price for some is something only discovered if eyes are taken off self.  In this age of victimology, where there are two kinds of people, (those who never blame themselves and those who always blame themselves), no one ever points out to those few who do blame themselves for everything that there is a better Way.  Took me many years to get there.  Even more to fully release that burdensome baggage I chose to drag the entirety of my life.  Hard to paint something new with both hands so occupied by that.

Only when not focused on it, (the past), and with hands now freed, am I free to paint what I want out of the few years I have left.  I will not spend them mourning, John.  I hope you will not either.  Depression is my battle, and there is no conquering it nor knowing when it will strike.  But there is also nothing out there saying I have to kneel to it, not stop believing I can better days…unless the brush I chose to paint with does.

Peace is free, John, escept for maybe the price of being willing to free your hands to pick it up and embrace it.


Michael

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