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jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas

0 posted 2020-08-27 01:22 PM


Cancer 05
(Pain In My Heart)

I thought you would always
be there, you'd be looking
at me, when I closed my eyes
for the final time.

I just thought you would always be there.


Sometimes one has to hold
the bridge of his nose
in a pinching manner
trying to avoid letting the tears
flow.

And I was the someone
getting his finger tips wet
when, out of the blue,
while watching a tv movie,
my wife spoke those words
in a tone
that sounded so lost,
empty, and alone.

I thought you would always be there -

What does one say -
What does one do -

I don't know.

All I could do
was put my chin on my chest,
squeeze the bridge of my nose,
tighter and tighter
trying not to let her know

I am as lost, as she.


@wesley james beard, jr.
august 27, 2020

© Copyright 2020 Wesley James Beard, Jr. - All Rights Reserved
Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California
1 posted 2020-08-27 04:50 PM


I have been there. This makes me cry.

Paul Wilson
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Elite
since 2002-07-07
Posts 4711
United States
2 posted 2020-08-27 06:47 PM


James...Very touching write. I'm sure you know but 9 months ago I lost my only daughter to cancer. Thankfully she went fast
and I know she is better off where ever she is at. Take care my friend...Paul

~~To share my poems with you is to share my heart with you~~
Paul

augustsky
Senior Member
Posts 828
midwest US
3 posted 2020-08-27 07:42 PM


I've always been left with a keepsake
to my spirit after reading you.

Very few can touch like that Poet J.

Sky~

~ Cherish Everything ~

jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
4 posted 2020-08-27 09:02 PM


I've been, and am now, very upbeat and light hearted about this disease of my lung and liver (thus far, as the first four Cancer pieces show).

But when Terry said what she did in so distressed and quiet a manner, it tore my heart like nothing else has ever done, and I suspect, will ever do. I've been trying for weeks to write the song of my pain - hopefully this is it.

Thanks my friends, each of you, for always being a sounding post for the words I write.

j.

Kit McCallum
Administrator
Member Laureate
since 2000-04-30
Posts 14774
Ontario, Canada
5 posted 2020-08-28 11:14 AM


Oh my gosh James, this gripped me. You have captured a pain that is deep and allowed me to feel it through your lines. I am so sorry for the diagnosis, but appreciated that you were able to share the pain so intimately. Very well written.

Best wishes,
/Kit

Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
6 posted 2020-08-28 02:18 PM


This one rips the soul, James.
  
“I've been trying for weeks to write the song of my pain - hopefully this is it.”

You captured the moment…her pain and yours, in a very beautiful and heartrending manner.   There’s a song that says "you never know just how you look through other people’s eyes."  This poem, in my eyes, was the realization of the moment you saw everything you are to her, and all she is losing, and how cancer wounds the hearts and minds of not just the victim, but of everyone who loves them.

I applaud you bravery, and feel your pain.


Michael

Poet In Pink
Senior Member
Posts 1066
MI
7 posted 2020-08-28 06:37 PM


So sorry to hear this Jimmy. A heartbreaking and tender rendering from your very soul. My thoughts and prayers are with you both my friend
Blessings
Alana

Starmcneil 1955
Member
Posts 174
Alberta, Canada
8 posted 2020-08-28 08:16 PM


As my tears flow for you both my soul sends a prayer on your behalf...know you will never be alone nor will she...our Savior walks with you both...Pain in my heart for both of you
2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
9 posted 2020-08-29 05:28 PM


I feel sad and sorry, I lost my dad a few months ago for that "reason", hope there is no pain, continue to share
deep thoughts for you


yann

Sven
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Laureate
since 1999-11-23
Posts 14937
East Lansing, MI USA
10 posted 2020-09-01 10:43 PM


"What does one say
What does one do"

If you find these words, my friend, please let me know. . .

Your work speaks volumes these days. . . I am honored to hear them. . .

-- That which gives light must endure burning.
Viktor Frankl

Temptress
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-06-15
Posts 7136
Mobile, AL
11 posted 2020-09-05 09:38 AM


And this is love. I can feel it. Everything is conveyed so poignantly. You've torn at the strings of my soul with this one. I'm feeling much respect for you right now.  

"How much is real? So much to question
An epidemic of the mannequins
Contaminating everything"

Stone Sour



Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere
12 posted 2020-09-07 03:06 PM


Jimmy.
You have learned to master painting love with a palet knife. It has a very sharp edge that
cuts tears from our eyes as we read. The song may be sad, but that doesn't take away from its beauty, that is part of it.

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