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Open Poetry #50
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Need critiques, feedback, a poem
| Open Poetry #50 |
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Need critiques, feedback, a poem |
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bbynams Junior Member Posts 49 |
Drissy only eats bacon if you cook it for her and even then you have to chop it up into little pieces Greasy little pieces staring in my window I see you out there screwing the black one, you little minx Probably couldn't catch a squirrel if your life depended on it Prancing daintily to your paper plate after escaping from your master A pitiful beast really, given what I know and not at all suited for the cold. What a shame. Something, anything would be better than what you chose for yourself. I believe for you that one day a turkey leg will fall from the sky to pelt the giant on the head and leave you to knaw on his shivering body. The hunter searching for the secret garden of flowers, out of your reach where you deserve to be, one and all of what you must be laughing about with your small, sleek smile which isn't worth brushing. A new form will grasp you, and in it freedom evidently, for your sense of humor to erupt. Profoundly placeless, and the greatest waste of your newly striped path to the space vacated that knows where you really belong, and who brings you home. Just eat it, it's good for you. |
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| © Copyright 2019 bbynams - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
bbynams, Not bad for a first post. I think your line breaks could use a little work to make it flow better. I got lost at the giant and the turkey leg, but I think I picked up the trail again by the end. You used a lot of entertaining phrases.  ~L |
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bbynams Junior Member Posts 49 |
It's just a personal reflection. There's a lot of homeless cats in my area. One year I had one who would really rip into everything like it actually lived outdoors (because it did) and somehow had to kill it first. I suppose I was actually proud of that. |
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bbynams Junior Member Posts 49 |
The Visitor Drissy only eats bacon if you cook it for her and even then you have to chop it up into little pieces Greasy little pieces staring in my window I see you out there screwing the black one, you little minx Probably couldn't catch a squirrel if your life depended on it Prancing daintily to your paper plate after escaping from your master A pitiful beast really, given what I know, and not at all suited for the cold. What a shame. Something, anything, would be better than what you chose for yourself I believe for you that one day, a turkey leg will fall from the sky to pelt the giant on the head and leave you to knaw on his shivering body. The hunter, searching for the secret garden of flowers out of your reach, where you deserve to be one and all of what you must be laughing about with your small, sleek smile which isn't worth brushing. A new form will grasp you, and in it freedom, evidently, for your sense of humor to erupt. Profoundly placeless, and the greatest waste of your newly striped path to the space vacated that knows where you really belong, and who brings you home. Just eat it, it's good for you. |
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bbynams Junior Member Posts 49 |
My favorite comment was: "sounds like the Wizard of Oz" [This message has been edited by bbynams (03-10-2019 12:37 PM).] |
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bbynams Junior Member Posts 49 |
I never did figure out who the owner was. I looked on a bunch of sites, cat posters, etc. Of course, the cat has since disappeared entirely. Turkey leg cat is living next door. There's three others along with the possum, but I'm guessing they won't be talking. They don't trust me at all. Not very poetic. |
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