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 Remember When
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Passions in Poetry

Remember When

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psychofemale
Junior Member
since 10-31-2017
[First Post] 18
Tennessee


0 posted 10-31-2017 08:38 PM       View Profile for psychofemale   Email psychofemale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for psychofemale


Trapped inside a vague illusion
I hear a voice that screams seclusion
Monotony-is the sound
Of being lost and never found

Isolation-- a timeless key
The key to nowhere, like you and me
An aching memory, an empty heart
It's bittersweet-- how we fell apart

Longing for-- what could have been
The past is quiet, remember when?
We used to laugh and used to sing
Remember when we used to dream?

We used to be afraid of nothing
But now it seems, it's always something
You're not you, and I'm not me
We're nothing like we used to be



*These evil vultures always win*

[This message has been edited by psychofemale (10-31-2017 10:52 PM).]

© Copyright 2017 Alli - All Rights Reserved
Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Rara Avis
since 10-10-2009
Posts 8334
Fair to middlin'


1 posted 10-31-2017 10:20 PM       View Profile for Lori Grosser Rhoden   Email Lori Grosser Rhoden   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lori Grosser Rhoden

It is a good poem. In my humble opinion your last stanza would work better as the first stanza to set the mood. Either that or take the last stanza and develop it into a whole other poem. It is a good stanza and I like it. It just "felt" different to me than the rest of the poem. Welcome to the Big Blue Buffett! ~L
psychofemale
Junior Member
since 10-31-2017
Posts 18
Tennessee


2 posted 10-31-2017 10:28 PM       View Profile for psychofemale   Email psychofemale   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for psychofemale

Thank you for the feedback, weirdly that was bugging me as well. I reread it with the last stanza first and I like it a lot better now. I think you solved my issue I was having to begin with. Thanks!!!!

*These evil vultures always win*

Bluesy Socrateaser
Senior Member
since 11-07-2002
Posts 946
In The Mirror


3 posted 11-01-2017 12:19 AM       View Profile for Bluesy Socrateaser   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bluesy Socrateaser

Change is not always growth, is it PF.

Many things are stated as the "beginning of wisdom"...not the least of them is knowing your own heart. Your poetry tells me you do.

...just bein' Bluesy

Poet In Pink
Senior Member
since 05-18-2017
Posts 537
MI


4 posted 11-08-2017 06:17 PM       View Profile for Poet In Pink   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet In Pink

Hello PF, nice to read you Nicely penned message from the heart ~ Much enjoyed and look forward to more ~ Alana
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