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Passions in Poetry

A Somewhat Pleasant Dream Of Death

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Bluesy Socrateaser
Senior Member
since 11-07-2002
Posts 823
In The Mirror


0 posted 09-20-2017 02:24 PM       View Profile for Bluesy Socrateaser   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Bluesy Socrateaser

As I drift off to sleep,
moonlight fades into a tiny orifice
I faintly hear you telling me
that you're leaving me

I then begin to see the earth
quake beneath your feet
Granules of soil spit up at you
as you take your leave of me

The quaking is stronger now
as the ground splits around you
Watching you slide silently downward
brings me such joy

You left me then, consumed by earth
but suddenly, your hand reaches out
from the ground, out to me from your grave,
to free you from death's grasp

...then I awake to feel the walls withdraw
Slowly, my excited breath becomes calm
You begin to stir beside me
and, finally...I decide to smile

...just bein' Bluesy

© Copyright 2017 Max Stout - All Rights Reserved
Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Rara Avis
since 10-10-2009
Posts 8195
Fair to middlin'


1 posted 09-20-2017 05:22 PM       View Profile for Lori Grosser Rhoden   Email Lori Grosser Rhoden   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Lori Grosser Rhoden

Bluesy,
Your last stanza really ties it up with a beautiful bow. You know you did something very difficult very well, don't you? You shook the tree of the death of a spouse sans the intense gut wrench. The prominent emotions I felt were love and tenderness, not
fear and sorrow. Yes, there was just a taste of anxiety, but it didn't overwhelm the piece. I really like where you went with this. ~L
JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 02-06-2011
Posts 16299
South Louisiana


2 posted 09-20-2017 06:26 PM       View Profile for JerryPat2   Email JerryPat2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JerryPat2's Home Page   View IP for JerryPat2

Can't say it any better than Lori did. This was very well constructed. I loved it.

~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~

2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 03-12-2008
Posts 6298
by the sea


3 posted 09-20-2017 06:52 PM       View Profile for 2islander2   Email 2islander2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for 2islander2

simply a nightmare, then we are so happy to wake up, words then are so precious


yann
Bluesy Socrateaser
Senior Member
since 11-07-2002
Posts 823
In The Mirror


4 posted 09-20-2017 07:59 PM       View Profile for Bluesy Socrateaser   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bluesy Socrateaser

You too did something quite difficult, Lori Rhoden...you understood.

Thank you so much for your insightful reply. You humble me.


BTS

...just bein' Bluesy

Bluesy Socrateaser
Senior Member
since 11-07-2002
Posts 823
In The Mirror


5 posted 09-20-2017 08:03 PM       View Profile for Bluesy Socrateaser   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bluesy Socrateaser

Many thanks to you, JerryPat for your concurrence. I'm also grateful for your comment on structure.

I appreciate it.

...just bein' Bluesy

Bluesy Socrateaser
Senior Member
since 11-07-2002
Posts 823
In The Mirror


6 posted 09-20-2017 08:06 PM       View Profile for Bluesy Socrateaser   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bluesy Socrateaser

Thank you yann, for reading and replying. I always appreciate your visits.

...just bein' Bluesy

nakdthoughts
Member Laureate
since 10-29-2000
Posts 19415
Between the Lines


7 posted 09-24-2017 06:10 PM       View Profile for nakdthoughts   Email nakdthoughts   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for nakdthoughts

Really can relate lately, although I felt myself awake from my own death...
Bluesy Socrateaser
Senior Member
since 11-07-2002
Posts 823
In The Mirror


8 posted 09-24-2017 10:34 PM       View Profile for Bluesy Socrateaser   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bluesy Socrateaser

Hey, Maureen! I'm pleased you came by and left this:
quote:
"I felt myself awake from my own death..."
We sleep, we explore, we experience. Even death becomes surreal enough for us to get just a glimmer of it, without having yet surrendered to it.

Thanks!  

...just bein' Bluesy

Poet In Pink
Member
since 05-18-2017
Posts 498
MI


9 posted 10-02-2017 05:23 PM       View Profile for Poet In Pink   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Poet In Pink

To the edge and back....Been there a few times ~ Great write Bluesy   Alana
Bluesy Socrateaser
Senior Member
since 11-07-2002
Posts 823
In The Mirror


10 posted 10-03-2017 02:06 AM       View Profile for Bluesy Socrateaser   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bluesy Socrateaser

Thanks for your visit Miss Pinky.

So we've 'teetered' on the "edge", but never lost our balance...nor did we let anyone else lose it for us.

You're appreciated.

...just bein' Bluesy

 
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