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Open Poetry #49
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Need critique
| Open Poetry #49 |
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Need critique |
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Dakota Member
since 2000-05-25
Posts 125New York |
A poetry submission is what was petitioned. Combine some words and prose. A mind that has chosen or possibly conditioned. Combining words common as face or nose. Words to inspire, words to free. Worries and cares from the soul. Words that paint of possibility. Of life’s spiritual goal. Been through a great deal lately and not sure of my writing anymore. Please give me some feed back on these few lines as I am doubting my ability to discern if it is at all good. Please and Thank you |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
"Words to inspire, words to free. Worries and cares from the soul. Words that paint of possibility. Of life’s spiritual goal." Dakota, I would NOT change one word of this. You've still got it, never doubt that! ~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~ |
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Cari Member Posts 411 Englnand |
This board is for general poetry, not for a critique but more for encouragement; it’s not a good thing to mix the two on one board. If you are genuinely looking for help then post you’re poem on Poetry Workshop board. In general terms most of us have to decide on whether we want to write to please ourselves, the academics or to write for the general pubic, there is a difference. An old clique on rhyme is ‘Rhyme is easy to write badly but difficult to write well’ and it happens to be true. Good rhyme has a flow, a cadence that falls from the tongue when read aloud, giving the impression that it was simple to write when in fact every word was carefully chosen. If you know that the rhyme is very near but not quite there then you can bet the reader will know as well. All this has nothing to do with your poem, if you want advice then post in The Poetry Workshop on this forum. Regards Cari. |
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Lori Grosser Rhoden Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202Fair to middlin' of nowhere |
I have written tons of poems and they aren't all gems by any means. But I keep them around and sometimes they find themselves as part of a better piece. I liked the spirit and tone of your piece. Writers go through spells where words don't flow like water-write anyway. ~L |
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Ari Squire Member Posts 488 In The Phallus Lane |
Words to inspire, words to free Worries and cares from the soul Words of possibilities Of our life’s spiritual goal Hi Dakota, I too, like your poem. 4 lines of seven syllables seems to improve the flow. Excuse my taking liberties with it all, but I just wanted to accommodate your request. Sorry to hear of your troubles. You've been a member for a long time, perhaps if all is now well with you, you'll stick around. Ari Loving Linny Jean is poetry. |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
I guess when we speak with our heart, it is poetry for me, however on a public site, every one has his own exigency but readers are generally tolerant, i can't from my own experience tell more than that, but i enjoyed reading you yann |
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Redstart Senior Member
since 2014-05-16
Posts 535 |
Don't ask for honest feed back when it is lined with pity. Not being cruel, you simply won't get it. |
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