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Open Poetry #49
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Strawberries
| Open Poetry #49 |
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Strawberries |
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Cari Member Posts 411 Englnand |
Strawberries * * The small man hid behind the Sunday newspaper, through the open window the smells of summer merged with the tang of furniture polish. He stole a glance to his right. She had never been beautiful; once perhaps a plain face on a passable figure, but her waist had long ago surrendered to the fat rolls which now supported her fallen breasts. He allowed his mind to retreat over the years, had there ever been a shared love, an engulfing passion of minds and limbs? He shook his head. Mabel had defined sex begrudgingly as a wifely obligation, later to be dispensed in return for favours, now gone for ever in the passing years. She preferred to loose herself in the world of women’s romance literature where impossible lovers pursued demure virgins without the uncomfortable mechanics of a sexual union. The front door slammed, Sharon, the unwanted product of their marriage, ran up the stairs laughing into her cell phone. He counted to four to himself then, a wail of a clichéd love song floating on a sea of decibels, assorted his ears Mabel reached for the remote and helped herself to another comfort chocolate. Three o’clock, time for the repeat of last weeks Soap. God woman why? You watch it every damn night. He stood up folded the newspaper, placed it on the coffee table and opened the back door to escape to the peace of the garden. Mabel called out to him with an after thought. “If there are any strawberries left, pick some for tea” He sighed; I don’t even have a name now. The greenhouse stood at the end of the garden the glass roof shaded from the summer heat. He smiled at the seed trays neatly arranged on the benches and turned to the potted strawberry plants to his right. They had done really well this year, good pickings and more to come. He took a bowl from the shelf and filled it with soft red fruit. As he straitened, a small jar on the top shelf caught his eye. He looked thoughtfully at the tiny white crystals. Mabel and her daughter love their strawberries covered with sugar. He allowed himself a quiet smile, took down the jar and unscrewed the lid. |
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| © Copyright 2016 Cari - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Sure looks like a short story instead of poetry. Just my uneducated opinion. ~ If they give you ruled paper, write sideways. ~ |
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Cari Member Posts 411 Englnand |
You’re right friend; variety is the spice of life. Cari. |
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Ari Squire Member Posts 488 In The Phallus Lane |
You could have posted this in prose, but if you're a young man Cari, you're going to be an old one before you get a reader. Just say'in. I take no umbrage with your writing a short story and posting it here. I read a lot of writings and yours are always written with a skillful pen. Now, if you want to get zoomed down on, write a 'discussion'-oriented piece and see how long it takes before it's sent to the abyss they call "Discussion Forums". Whew! It's like hell with blue flames! Speaking of hell, I liked your story very much. I'm left with the idea that the strawberries are to be "sugared" with cyanide crystals. Under the circumstances, were it I, instead of "the man with no name", I'd have something of a sardonic grin on my face too. A good place to send them both for a little peace and maybe I'd find a little 'piece' walking about to have tea with once they've made their departure. Loving Linny Jean is poetry. |
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Cari Member Posts 411 Englnand |
Yes it’s a shame that many vibrant boards in the past are now as dead the proverbial Dodo, as you say, it’s just a waste of time now to post on them. If we are to get the interest of posting and reading of prose and SS back, then we have to start on the one forum where members post and read. Once interest is established then we can move to the correct board. I am mindful that this is a poetry board and with that in mind I keep the length of a story very short, 500 words maximum but way shorter if I can. Strawberries word count was around 350 words for example. Also SS posting should be used only occasionally, allowing poetry to be the norm. Its fun writing short stories but it also has a serious side in that short story writing provides a great teaching ground for writing a full length novel. If you can’t hold a readers attention for a few pages, what chance do you have in holding the readers attention for 300 plus? Also writing dialogue as well as keeping a balance between descriptive passages and the need to keep the story line running etc. Cari. [This message has been edited by Cari (07-13-2016 09:17 AM).] |
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Redstart Senior Member
since 2014-05-16
Posts 535 |
UHMMMM, saying nothing. You should write plays.. |
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