The Lady, Lute and Lion - pipTalk Forums

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Pete_W
Member
Posts 185
Scotland (UK)

0 posted 2015-11-20 04:01 PM

The Lady, Lute and Lion

She put down staff,
sit, drink from pitcher
play her lute.

On desert dune
she rest, drink,
sing to moon.

Beside her
lute lie down,
she stare at sky.

She drink,
the lady drink
…she sleep...

November 2015

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

1 posted 2015-11-20 04:39 PM

I don't see the lion . . . Ahhh . . . Mayhap he's hiding beyond yon desert dune . . . Or perhaps he is lion down beside her . . .

~*~ When they give you ruled paper write sideways. ~*~

rainyday
Member
Posts 304
Heartland USA

2 posted 2015-11-20 11:56 PM

Pete, Is the 'Lion' the constellation Leo
in your write?
Nice short gem.

rainyday J

Ticklefingers
Senior Member
Posts 710
Louisiana

3 posted 2015-11-21 12:02 PM

quote:
"Or perhaps he is lion down beside her"

This was rich JerryPat, if not a bit cheesy on the lame side.

Hi Pete!

I apologize for upstaging JerryPat's reply on my own, but he does get some good ones off and I always seem to be in the arena when he does.

I liked the way you sculpted your lines in this poem. Reading it I couldn't help but hear Charlie Chan covering a Yeats abstract.

I find it so attractively gauche.

88's friend

She told me "play one for your supper Danny and maybe you'll get breakfast".

jjote
Senior Member

since 2002-12-25

Posts 1088
Ontario, Canada

4 posted 2015-11-21 02:44 AM

short and enigmatic, I can't rush through reading it - have to pause and wonder.

Pete_W
Member
Posts 185
Scotland (UK)

5 posted 2015-11-21 05:15 AM

Hi, thanks for reading, the lion is the speaker / observer in this, I hadn't intended that it would be Leo but then you're the reader so really whatever meaning you place on / find in it is fine

Pete_W
Member
Posts 185
Scotland (UK)

6 posted 2015-11-21 05:17 AM

I may have to register with FacePalm after reading Jerry's reply

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

7 posted 2015-11-22 07:08 AM

After reading that you made the lion speak, I perceive it differently. Playing a lute in the desert under a starry sky seems something magical, so deeply magical that even the lion does not see a prey but feels the harmony of the scene ...

The conjugation in lion language therefore can be accepted even in its dissonance.

It's an impressive poem, it makes me feel inner peace.

Margherita

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