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Open Poetry #49
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jjote
Senior Member
since 2002-12-25
Posts 1088
Ontario, Canada

0 posted 2015-09-08 12:39 PM


[Trying another sonnet, unrhymed, but 14 lines at 6 syllables each line]

I could not sleep last night,
tried to lie down as if
I were a placid lake,
unmindful of what goes
around it, below it.
Then gulls began to screech
interrupting my peace
of mind, I wished to choke
out the noise, bring me sleep
Now I'm still wide awake
even with eyes closed tight,
thoughts a broken record.

sleep's a gift to value
so you never lose it.


@jjote 0908/2015


© Copyright 2015 Josefina Costales - All Rights Reserved
Elizabeth Santos
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-11-08
Posts 9269
Pennsylvania
1 posted 2015-09-08 02:22 AM


Sonnets are so difficult to write and I appreciate your mastery of such forms
Very well done
Liz

JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
2 posted 2015-09-08 10:09 AM


I have to admit that sonnets, to me, are firstly rhymed, and secondly have ten syllables to each line, but I know I'm old hat. Since I don't keep up with things as much as I used to, I'm sure there are variations of the classic sonnet. I am NOT putting your poem down. It is good reading, exploring insomnia, and how the mind works as you fight for sleep.

~*~ When they give you ruled paper write sideways. ~*~

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA
3 posted 2015-09-08 10:15 PM


I don't have trouble falling asleep, fortunately, I think the secret is clearing your mind; if I start praying I get sleepier,
I turn on a tape in the player by my bed and fall asleep before its over...james

jjote
Senior Member
since 2002-12-25
Posts 1088
Ontario, Canada
4 posted 2015-09-11 12:58 PM


You're right there Elizabeth, it is a difficult form, esp. if you want it rhymed, and haven't yet written one. Then I read one that was unrhymed, and who claimed this is a variation and the meter is all up to you. (to answer your comment Jerry), so hallelujah, that's license enough for me. And James, nowadays, I can easily fall asleep without resorting to mind acrobatics...the gift of getting old maybe...so thanks all for putting in your thoughts, so appreciate it.
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