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Open Poetry #49
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Redstart
Senior Member
since 2014-05-16
Posts 535


0 posted 2014-12-27 03:16 PM


He's so tired, worn out, written out, empty.
He's been too often to the well of false laughs.
The replenishing bucket of self-deceit
now hits the hard, stone-bottom of reality,
as echoes resound their mocking gloat.
The underground reservoir of past joys, bled dry,
to cultivate a facade of casualness
that is crumbling, exposing ancient gargoyles of insecurity.

Bitterness is no part of him, it never was.
But, he's troubled, befuddled, restless.
He's sucking on the parched fruits of yesterday;
an arid mouth, searching for soft, moist kisses of inner peace.
A touch of passion; a dream to fill his creeping void.
His train won't make the sun on the hilltop;
it's laden with fools, out of steam,
rolling back into the dense fog of banality.
Where was that spark of enlightenment?
For he was highly flammable, willing to explode.

He has tried, perhaps half-heartedly, to grasp
the man that he once was,
but he now reflects a stranger's eye.
The metamorphosis is too far advanced;
the moth, once mesmerised by the flame
of dubiously-decorated horizons,
now drifts, flightless and scorched,
upon the wind of indelible regrets
that blow inexorably backwards
into the all-consuming fire of burning bridges.



© Copyright 2014 Redstart - All Rights Reserved
Pilgrimage
Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945
Texas, USA
1 posted 2014-12-27 03:54 PM


Disheartening.  I can identify with this one, we all feel this way sometimes.  Sigh.  Thank goodness it doesn't usually last too long.  Good descriptives in this one, and effective language.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
2 posted 2014-12-27 04:51 PM


Oh my, you have written this poem about me. You may not have known you were writing about me, but you most assuredly were . . . These two line, my goodness . . .
quote:
Where was that spark of enlightenment?
For he was highly flammable, willing to explode.

~*~ When politicians give up on liberty, it falls to poets to preserve it. Or write its epitaph. ~*~

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa
3 posted 2014-12-28 04:55 AM


Redstart - No, Jerry's got it wrong.  You were writing about me - if we replace the "him" with a "her" of course.

Seriously though, this is an excellent piece of writing.  The wisdom of age perhaps that leads us into realizing how meaningless a lot of our past was but that spark, yes, we still would like that spark.  Finding it within isn't easy when we're so primed to look out for it.  Whew!  I feel like "discussing" each line but that's not possible here.  I'm sure you'll "find your feet" amidst the chaos of thought and, of course, the relentless march of time.  Going back for another read.

Helen


Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere
4 posted 2014-12-28 07:32 AM


I love this piece! Your descriptions are to die for! Obviously this piece is easy to relate to. There is plenty of life out there to feel passionate about if you are willing to put your heart out there again...It is hard to champion causes when we are jaded... And time and experience has a way of doing that to us. How does that saying go about being fearless to love as if your heart has never been broken...?  
latearrival
Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499
Florida
5 posted 2014-12-28 11:48 AM


Redstart, All I can say is you certainly  wrote this for many. I thought of one right off. When you can write like this and touch so many others who feel it is abut them you have mastered the art of writing. Good piece of work. Best to you, Jo Perry
ThisDiamond
Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353
Michigan, USA
6 posted 2014-12-28 08:20 PM


Excellent work, all great lines follow back to a penetrating theme.

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California
7 posted 2014-12-29 04:20 AM


Great writing!, Redstart. That last verse is amazing. I am sure there are many who can relate.
                               Ida

jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
8 posted 2014-12-29 05:29 PM


Yeah, what Jerry said!!

Sorry Jerry, couldn't resist and no slaps meant, just funning... hehehe

good piece, my friend...

j.


BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
9 posted 2014-12-30 03:54 PM


Getting older isn't for the faint of heart, that's for sure.  There are so many great lines in your poem...you really nailed the harsh realities and yet this is touching and beautiful.

I like what you said about his train not making the sun on the hilltop.

drives the point home that I am sliding down the backside of life...and it's all good.

wonderful writing red...

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