Surface Tension ( A dream of war)

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Open Poetry #49

Surface Tension ( A dream of war)

Redstart
Senior Member

since 2014-05-16

Posts 535

0 posted 2014-05-23 05:43 PM

There was no splash when Docherty died;
he slid slowly down the shell hole,
ending face-up in the watery mud,
exuding a creeping slick of maroon lifeblood.

His death mask transfixed our eyes.
It said: 'No, please, not me!'
Ours to each stark stare replied:
'Thank God, not us!'

We were connoisseurs, we knew death.
Could smell its grey bouquet
long before we sipped its bitter breath.
We an island, each a shore,
death a pounding sea of war.

He lay, not sinking,
held up by surface tension.
I so strangely thinking:
just as we'd learned in physics.

My thoughts were a shallow goodbye.
His loss had somehow given way
to a macabre experiment
from a lost, school day.

He sank, feet-first, to one side.
His face lost slowly, the way a gentle tide
encroaches a stubborn rock.

Left high, a hand, a periscope of death.
A hand, that once had written
the joint conclusion to a task
on the effects of surface tension.

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

1 posted 2014-05-23 06:11 PM

Ahhh . . . In the end, the final end, all that he wrote on the "effects of surface tension" will be read with tears streaming down the faces of his loved ones. And yes, exactly this . . .

quote:
His death mask transfixed our eyes.
It said: 'No, please, not me!'
Ours to each stark stare replied:
'Thank God, not us!'

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius

since 2009-10-10

Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

2 posted 2014-05-24 06:19 AM

Excellent writing here. Your descriptions and depictions are compelling.
Lori

wordancer
Senior Member

since 2000-07-30

Posts 809
VA

3 posted 2014-05-24 09:46 AM

Good descriptive lines, I especially like these two lines below. Even is there are others around, death is each person's own. well done

"We an island, each a shore,
death a pounding sea of war."

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

4 posted 2014-05-27 01:28 AM

very descriptive and emotionnal, some détails are compelling,

have a nice day

yann

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