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Open Poetry #48
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Amaryllis
Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306
Mi now

0 posted 2012-10-21 04:31 PM





He dreams in monochrome, in calculated
greyscale - no muddied blend excused, no
bent of light. There's woman and there's
Woman. When you became madonna

you watched the velvet jezebel
dim in his eyes - a sputtered wick,
a shrinking ember, inevitable. He tries

to hide this, but mouths don't meet
the same, when familiarity pulls tongues
to the back of throats - dry pecks
all that's left to punctuate the day.

Smile, say good morning. Send him
on his way. You have this hour,
ripe with language, taut
with orange marmalade
and what could be.


© Copyright 2012 Amaryllis - All Rights Reserved
JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
1 posted 2012-10-21 04:38 PM


Oh my, how I love this . . .
quote:
but mouths don't meet

That absolutely tells it all, and in a way no one could possibly mistaken.

The rest of the poem? . . .
quote:
a sputtered wick,
a shrinking ember,

Loved this poem . . . You betcha . . .

~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~

Amaryllis
Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306
Mi now
2 posted 2012-10-21 04:41 PM


Thanks Jerry
r v wooo
Senior Member
since 2007-08-07
Posts 656

3 posted 2012-10-22 12:43 PM


Dying love...where does it take us? It is the erectile dysfunction of life. Hmmm, maybe I have gone in the wrong direction with the poem but this is where it has taken me.
Lady Goodman
Member
since 2012-10-04
Posts 193

4 posted 2012-10-22 04:32 PM


Lucid indeed.

A lovely treatment of language here that prompts an introspective spark in me.

Beautifully done.

Amaryllis
Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306
Mi now
5 posted 2012-10-26 12:20 PM


Thank you, rvw and lady goodman ...much appreciated  

A

Krawdad
Member Elite
since 2001-01-03
Posts 2597

6 posted 2012-10-26 12:33 PM


Ya, the transition seems cruel, doesn't it?  The loss so irretrievable.  I am fascinated by the fact that few of the young see these things coming.  Perhaps just as well they don't.
Enjoyed your take on this, Amaryllis.

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