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California 5 A.M.
| Open Poetry #48 |
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California 5 A.M. |
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soul drifter Senior Member
since 2004-09-08
Posts 711Colorado |
California 5 A.M. Something always sends me reeling back to your side it never takes very long 'till I'm hung to be tied hands and feet over the moon seemingly all for you heart hung on the hook of your tune cracked and flawed through and through but somehow it's all for you cut the chill split the mast down to kindling if you wish it so then it must be so rest your chin on my windowsill stare me out, my hopes are dwindling tell me where to go though I suppose I should know after all, my dear I have always been here California, 5 A.M. and the fountains are empty of lovers this is who I am a thousand miles away from laying under the covers with you I've been told this is who I am San Francisco via stolen car reflected mirror stars closer than they appear The one thing left in your mind will send shivers down my back it'll be the death of older dreams love letters sent straight back to the past you set spinning free a name on a tire swing tree hearts crackled in a fire too bright to ever see myself through these nights still somehow I think I might I'll see you right squander all my dreams on you if you wish upon me then I have to be a broken star almost empty of light wear me out, my hopes will see you through teach me how to see though I suppose I might be free after all is clear my dear I will always be right here California, 5 P.M. and the foundations of stone are shaking this is where I am a thousand miles away from your day that's breaking just now and I'm uneasy with where I am Monterrey by aching bones I guess I'm all alone farther down than I feared The true feelings hidden inside will send ripples through your life this'll be the birth of better things tired of pulling out the knife stuck in the side of my dream soul is raging on the wing hearts breaking under restless feet could you ever see me through all right and someday I will try I'll case the sky wander down the riverside of you if you wish upon me baby I gotta be a brighter star to perfect your night seek me out, our hopes will set us anew on an adoring blue sea though I suppose we might be free after the cycle's complete my sweet I will always be right here fumbling, stumbling across the borderline of... California 5 A.M. and the fountains are empty but for us this is who we are a few centimeters away from each other in a hush that falls all around the darkness where we are everlasting everything tonight I guess we'll catch the light as it begins to disappear Pacific Ocean blue circa sometime when I got lost in the whirlpool in your eyes this is the way it should always be this is who I am mere moments away from laying under the covers with you with you baby I've been told this is who I am dedicated to back beat of your heart reflected mirror stars closer than they appear I crumble to fall all over you and watch the light as it begins to reappear darling dear I have always been here sipping the dawn at 5 A.M. Sugar this is who I am the one to always be right here "What have I become? Truth is nothing yet" -Snow Patrol,'Chocolate' |
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| © Copyright 2013 Zach Hilgefort - All Rights Reserved | |||
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
You and your poetry are just so classic!! Love how you kept returning to the fountain. Kudos to you, soul drifter dude... |
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jwesley Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563Spring, Texas |
pretty much agree with blues. I also think you need to either punctuate or not punctuate. Your title, for instance has no comma between the state and the time ... throughout the poem it does. And you have random commas like you forgot you where not doing that. The theme and flow were good. enjoyed the read. j. |
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JamesMichael Member Empyrean
since 1999-11-16
Posts 33336Kapolei, Hawaii, USA |
Nice...James |
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Lighthousebob Member Elite
since 2000-06-14
Posts 4725California |
I really like how your poem 'drifts' into different places and times and moods and yet stays focused right at 5 A.M. and, yeah, hope you took the 1 into Santa Cruz on your way from SF and Monterey. A nice drive. Enjoyed!  |
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