twenty-thousand and counting

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

0 posted 2012-03-24 10:50 PM

there are roughly
20,000 different species of butterflies
in the world;
foolish little things,
fleet-footed and fragile.
what would make one different
albeit, color and size
or swiftness, to any other
in a field of wildflowers?
they flit in and out, in seasons
marking time like the rings
in a great evergreen tree.
but, it is the little one, the dusty brown one
that catches my eye
how it is light on my palm,
nothing more than tremble and trust.
(sweet, naive - and silly with want)
it thinks it is different
as if the erosion of time
leaves a mark, like a badge of honor
or the hollow echo of an empty
stone garden.
when i sleep, its wingtips
cast delicate shadows
on the egg-shell of my eyelids.
i dream of you so often, now
and it is in love with the fiery sun
buried deep in my breast,
my belly, my breath.
i wish i could give it carnations;
a bed of them for my small hands
to tend, and soil to turn.
where the wind can dance it merry
and i can bring flowers for your eyes

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis

since 2007-09-16

Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California

1 posted 2012-03-25 12:00 PM

"but it is the little one, the dusty brown one that catches my eye." love this line.
I had to smile. My brother ( who thinks he's funny) once said, "Ida won't have a pet unless it has one eye, three legs or something needy about it." This reminded me of what he said. I just love this poem.
Ida

ebonygirl
Member Elite

since 2011-07-14

Posts 2000
California U.S.A

2 posted 2012-03-25 02:47 AM

Pretty... very pretty, Nicole, you have captured the essence of the brown butterfly. Enjoyed, Ms. E

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

3 posted 2012-03-25 06:00 AM

The brown butterfly has certainly been memorialized with this wonderful offering for you, Nicole.

~*~ Death is a common weed: requires no rain. ~*~

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

4 posted 2012-03-25 07:59 AM

Ida... my brother has said the very same thing to me. We're sisters!

MsE - Thank you

Thank you Jerry, for replying. I appreciate it...

jwesley
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-04-30

Posts 7563
Spring, Texas

5 posted 2012-03-25 10:58 AM

Wonderfully written my friend! You were definitely "seeing", and it brings to mind a piece I wrote, a good ways back, sparked by a 3/4inch long silvery-brown butterfly I saw...and now I know I was to be it's voice to you . . . Smile, J.

That Softly Fluttering Butterfly

Loving thee,
even though thee walk paths far beyond my own,
brightens my days, softens my nights,
and if thee by chance happen to look my way,
I feel such joy;
such giddy, child-like happiness,
and I fumble what 'ere my task.

Given another time, a different place,
thine face and mine might share a single space;
our lips might touch, arms embrace, hearts be one,
a single, beating, thought in time.

But though my love thou will never know,
as thee walk thine path beyond mine own,
the warmth in the breeze,
the softness in the grass,
the rustle in the leaves,
the song of the bird that catches thine ear,
were sent by me.

As days slip by, I watch, yet am unseen,
and nights I spend in a lover's dream,
where thou, my lady, lay next to me;
hold my love, though thou know it not,
for there I dance before thine eyes,
that softly fluttering, butterfly.

(Butterfly ghost writer)
w. james beard, jr.
© December 2000

bel1e
Senior Member

since 2006-07-24

Posts 1631

6 posted 2012-03-25 01:36 PM

This is lovely, Nicole

JL
Member Ascendant

since 2004-04-01

Posts 6128
Texas, USA

7 posted 2012-03-25 02:02 PM

"but, it is the little one, the dusty brown one
that catches my eye
how it is light on my palm,
nothing more than tremble and trust.
(sweet, naive - and silly with want)
it thinks it is different
as if the erosion of time
leaves a mark, like a badge of honor
or the hollow echo of an empty
stone garden.
when i sleep, its wingtips
cast delicate shadows
on the egg-shell of my eyelids.
i dream of you so often, now
and it is in love with the fiery sun
buried deep in my breast,
my belly, my breath."

Such heart-consuming wording.
How do you say stunning poetry??
"Nicole wrote it..."
This is gorgeous food for the brain.
Love it, Nicole.

JL

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Maranatha!

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius

since 2001-03-19

Posts 13631
West Coast

8 posted 2012-03-26 06:41 AM

eggshell of eyelids..

make daddy a flutterby omlette?

this could make me love moppets

muy fragile pretty nitchygirl

ice
Member Elite

since 2003-05-17

Posts 3404
Pennsylvania

9 posted 2012-03-26 08:46 AM

"what would make one different
albeit, color and size
or swiftness, to any other
in a field of wildflowers?"

Nothing would make one different, except for our
judging of what is beautiful in nature..

I often ask myself, why I feel elated when in the presence
of anything I cognize as beautiful..what does it mean when that happens?

Perhaps the feelings of beauty happens when the mind is in a dreamstate,
and we hear the

"hollow echo of an empty
stone garden."

A primitive feeling left over from the stone age?

And this, is this what happens in that dreamstate, the spell cast when in the company of beauty..

"its wingtips
cast delicate shadows
on the egg-shell of my eyelids."

This poem brings deep thought, and merry dance visions..
and brings those flowers with wings to my eyes.

"where the wind can dance it merry
and i can bring flowers for your eyes"

Thank you

Gaura--"Dancing Butterflies"

"Poetry is an echo, asking a shadow to dance."
Carl Sandburg

splashMeadow
Junior Member

since 2011-06-09

Posts 20
UK

10 posted 2012-03-26 02:23 PM

"nothing more than tremble and trust" - what a fantastic line; so expressive of love of nature and the nature of love. An exceptionally beautiful poem!

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

11 posted 2012-03-26 02:27 PM

nothing more than tremble and trust.

~*~

What a GREAT line!

Pilgrimage
Member Elite

since 2001-12-04

Posts 3945
Texas, USA

12 posted 2012-03-26 03:22 PM

I know I'm echoing everyone else, but this line:
'nothing more than tremble and trust'
just jumped out and knocked me over.
You have so many good lines in this one, but that line is immortal.

Nan (Pilgrim variety)

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

13 posted 2012-03-27 06:34 AM

Jimmy - what a beautiful poem and reply, I love it.

Belle - Thank you

JL - Thank you so much!

D - Could, huh? Then I must be going in the right direction.

ice - grinning...

"Nothing would make one different, except for our
judging of what is beautiful in nature..

I often ask myself, why I feel elated when in the presence
of anything I cognize as beautiful..what does it mean when that happens?"

Yes, exactly .. what, or why, indeed? They say beauty is in the eye of the beholder, and that is true; but some of it has to come from inside as well. The little brown butterfly has to think it is different, also, or it will never be.

The dreaming allows for a more (aye, primitive) symbiotic, relationship between the two. Two completely different beings, sharing something they both find lovely.

I loved the picture, thank you for such a wonderful reply.

splashMeadow, Sunshine, Pilgrimage...all of you, thank you very much. That line is one of those that just kind of sneaks up on you and is out of the pen before you realize it.

Bob K
Member Elite

since 2007-11-03

Posts 4208

14 posted 2012-03-27 06:46 PM

Dear Nichole,

        Yes, I think this is pretty good.category

     There are specific things that I think are pretty good, and which I admire.

     You offer something specific and definite and even riskily prosaic.  The concreteness of this took guts and I think you pulled it off:

quote:

there are roughly
20,000 different species of butterflies
in the world;

You risk making a value judgement. You pull it off and it sounds charming.

quote:

foolish little things,

The" tremble and trust" is a solid and original observation, I think. I wonder if you played with it before settling on the current order or not. The metrics of "trust and tremble," because of the weighting (TREMble). seem to me to offer a bit more of the butterfly effect in the alternative reading, but perhaps not to your ear.

quote:

nothing more than tremble and trust.

And there is of course a second, lovely, intimate poem enclosed in the last part that almost deserves its own setting, don't you think?

quote:

i dream of you so often, now
and it is in love with the fiery sun
buried deep in my breast,
my belly, my breath.

i wish i could give it carnations;
a bed of them for my small hands
to tend, and soil to turn.
and i can bring flowers for your eyes

There is something quite powerful and authentic to this small piece that almost wants to stand on its own, and which has a serious lyric impulse to it. I didn't want to close before I commented on how moving I felt that piece was in particular.

I do hope this falls into the category of Constructive critique, and that my overall admiration comes across.

Sincerely, Bob Kaven

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

15 posted 2012-03-28 04:35 AM

Nice...for a minute I thought you were going to tell us aabout twenty-thousand boyfriends...ha, ha...James

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

16 posted 2012-03-28 06:46 AM

Hello Bob,

I so appreciate the time that you took with this poem, and the reply that you posted.

"tremble and trust" - I'm glad you picked on that line. I did play with the order a little bit. I almost left it at trust and tremble, because of how it sounded...but I stayed with the current order, because the word tremble (to me) sounds like a tremble. Its multiple syllables give that little stutter that I wanted to have, before the solid single syllable of the word 'trust'. That seemed to be fitting to what I was trying to convey, kind of a mini crescendo dropping down to stillness.

I may have put way too much thought into that particular line before I left it alone. That certainly is my m.o.

The two stanzas that you pulled out; I completely agree.  They should be on their own and I wasn't entirely happy with the lack of transition from the beginning to the end of the poem.  I wanted them in there, I really feel like I'm missing a few lines of transition to get to that point.

Thank you, again, for such a thorough reading.  I appreciate the insight very much.

James - haha that's funny.

<-- This girl doesn't sport 20k (I'm much better with computers than I am with people)

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

17 posted 2012-04-01 08:18 AM

It is perfect in its wholeness, a poem to save and reread for the emotions it stirs.

Simply wonderful, exquisite writing, dear Nicole.

Love,
Margherita

Michael

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 1999-08-13

Posts 7666
California

18 posted 2012-04-03 02:30 PM

Your words are a beauty to behold, Nicole.  Far prettier than any gathered flowers -- more stunning than any garden, natural or manmade.

I know the "tremble and trust" line has garnered much attention here, and rightly so, it's like the instant "classic"... the song that debuts at number 1 on the charts; but I was even more moved by the title, and the added meaning it brings to the whole theme of the poem.

The little, whimsical brown butterfly"IS" different; a sepcies unto iotself, simply because it sees itself that way.  Humanity could stand to learn alot from that little butterfly, if only it dared to step out of its chysalis and spread it's wings... fly freely from the shadows of expectation, and acceptability.  Uniqueness should be aooreciated, not shunned.  YOU are definately of the species: poet.  This is definately one of your best, imho.

Michael

luminosity
Senior Member

since 2005-11-18

Posts 813

19 posted 2012-04-03 02:33 PM

it is beautiful, every line...every single line..........wow.....going back to reread

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

20 posted 2012-04-03 04:08 PM

superb and full of images i like, butterflies are more and more important as bees and the eye is sometimes a delicate butterfly too, thanks for the lovely images and poetry,
yann

suthern

Member Seraphic

since 1999-07-29

Posts 20723
Louisiana

21 posted 2012-04-09 02:21 PM

it thinks it is different

I love this! I agree with "tremble and trust" being an instant classic, but the whole poem is fantastic!!

And it's right in its thinking... Going unnoticed isn't always a bad thing... its showier family members end up displayed on pins while it lives to think. *G*

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.