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Open Poetry #46
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the door to another room
| Open Poetry #46 |
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the door to another room |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
I watched the back of his hand slightly fold, The coffee slightly smug along the kitchen table, His newspaper neatly folded, Socks matching the beige tiles of the second floor. I tried to make conversation For the silence was stale, uncomfortable As if we were cousins, Maybe even neighbors Sitting awkwardly Searching for something interesting to say. But, I just sat there, Like the pigeons do As they sit with their web feet Overlooking the novelty Of the world as it comes and goes. He was torn to bits But this was his way of coping Of telling himself That his inner thoughts could Divert his eyes from the door upstairs The door to another floor where the white linens smelled like vanilla, of old love, buried, sold to the teller in the sky where the eagles never return. So he turned his thoughts to the kitchen Page after page His face never changing The same way mine use to stay so still Sleeping on my right side as a young child. Just he and the kitchen His round wooden table, Where the kitchen seemed to notice a missing scent A voice locked away to the door to another room. [This message has been edited by Tomer (12-29-2010 04:39 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2010 Tomer Fried - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JerryPat Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991Louisiana/America |
I liked this very much. You conveyed a sad message in a way as to keep the reader (me) guessing what was coming next. Wonderful lines in this sad tale of departed love. To mimic is a form of praise unless |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Absolutely perfect.I am wondering and waiting for more. If this is it,so be it,I will make my own middle and end. But it will not satisfy my senses. latearrival |
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XGarapanX Senior Member
since 2008-06-19
Posts 1435Antarctica |
You, good Poet, are an exquisite and descriptive story teller. This was captivating clean through. Thank you! ·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`· |
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Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049California |
Tomer...a very well presented inner drama |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Captivating, and sad...truly engaging writing. So well done. I remain a fan! A |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
A perfect cinematographic moment, in which you hold your reader spellbound and seeing, but unseeing, deep into the heart of the protagonist, waiting for the movie to continue to unwrap the psychological narrative. Brilliantly done, Tomer, as always. Owl |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
Appreciate all of the comments...always appreciated. Happy New Years Cheers |
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