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Passions in Poetry

the door to another room

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Tomer
Senior Member
since 06-28-2002
Posts 1153
Michigan


0 posted 12-29-2010 02:59 PM       View Profile for Tomer   Email Tomer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for Tomer

I watched the back of his hand slightly fold,
The coffee slightly smug along the kitchen table,
His newspaper neatly folded,
Socks matching the beige tiles of the second floor.

I tried to make conversation
For the silence was stale, uncomfortable
As if we were cousins,
Maybe even neighbors
Sitting awkwardly
Searching for something interesting to say.

But, I just sat there,
Like the pigeons do
As they sit with their web feet
Overlooking the novelty
Of the world as it comes and goes.

He was torn to bits
But this was his way of coping
Of telling himself
That his inner thoughts could
Divert his eyes from the door upstairs

The door to another floor
where the white linens
smelled like vanilla,
of old love, buried,
sold to the teller in the sky
where the eagles never return.

So he turned his thoughts to the kitchen
Page after page
His face never changing
The same way mine use to stay so still
Sleeping on my right side as a young child.

Just he and the kitchen
His round wooden table,
Where the kitchen seemed to notice a missing scent

A voice locked away
to the door to another room.

[This message has been edited by Tomer (12-29-2010 04:39 PM).]

© Copyright 2010 Tomer Fried - All Rights Reserved
JerryPat
Senior Member
since 10-30-2010
Posts 1985
Louisiana/America


1 posted 12-29-2010 03:06 PM       View Profile for JerryPat   Email JerryPat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JerryPat's Home Page   View IP for JerryPat

I liked this very much. You conveyed a sad message in a way as to keep the reader (me) guessing what was coming next. Wonderful lines in this sad tale of departed love.

To mimic is a form of praise unless
you have no thoughts of your own

latearrival
Member Elite
since 03-21-2003
Posts 4407
Florida


2 posted 12-29-2010 04:03 PM       View Profile for latearrival   Email latearrival   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for latearrival

Absolutely perfect.I am wondering and waiting for more. If this is it,so be it,I will make my own middle and end. But  it will not satisfy my senses. latearrival
XGarapanX
Senior Member
since 06-19-2008
Posts 1416
Rekjavik Iceland


3 posted 12-29-2010 06:35 PM       View Profile for XGarapanX   Email XGarapanX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit XGarapanX's Home Page   View IP for XGarapanX

You, good Poet, are an exquisite and descriptive story teller. This was captivating clean through. Thank you!

·´~`·­»Garapan«­·´~`·

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 09-21-1999
Posts 28608
California


4 posted 12-29-2010 06:36 PM       View Profile for Martie   Email Martie   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit Martie's Home Page   View IP for Martie

Tomer...a very well presented inner drama
Amaryllis
Senior Member
since 05-20-2010
Posts 1325
Mi now


5 posted 12-30-2010 10:15 AM       View Profile for Amaryllis   Email Amaryllis   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Amaryllis

Captivating, and sad...truly engaging writing. So well done. I remain a fan!

A
OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 11-07-2005
Posts 8424
Durban, South Africa


6 posted 12-30-2010 02:05 PM       View Profile for OwlSA   Email OwlSA   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for OwlSA

A perfect cinematographic moment, in which you hold your reader spellbound and seeing, but unseeing, deep into the heart of the protagonist, waiting for the movie to continue to unwrap the psychological narrative.  Brilliantly done, Tomer, as always.

Owl
Tomer
Senior Member
since 06-28-2002
Posts 1153
Michigan


7 posted 12-31-2010 07:06 PM       View Profile for Tomer   Email Tomer   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Tomer

Appreciate all of the comments...always appreciated.  Happy New Years

Cheers
 
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