Bewilderment , USA
From time to time over the years the record must be set,
a little straighter than it's been up to this point, you bet!
And, now seems like the perfect time with Christmas drawing near,
to clear up who saved Christmas folks, an' it weren't no reindeer!
I know that's how the story goes, that Rudolf did the deed.
But, trust in none of what you hear, and less of what you read.
I guess it was a "deer" of sorts as far as them things go,
but this one lived in Florida, and not the land of snow.
Sleigh pullin' really weren't his thing, leg pullin' more the like.
To some folk he was "Balladeer" to others , just plain "Mike".
Well, Mike it seems was oft' beset upon by these two foes,
the one, a sailor, LngJhnAng, the other , just plain "Toe"
These two concocted quite a plot to hijack Santas' sleigh,
then blame it all on "Balladeer" and make their get-a-way.
As far as plots go, this ain't bad, considering the source,
an' it just mighta even worked if not for "
Deer" of course.
He caught those bumbling fools right off before their plot hit home,
by trying to get the two of them to write a Christmas poem.
Well folks, by now I'm pretty sure you know how these two write,
to say the both of them are "slow" would just provoke a fight.
So let's just say compared to "Deer" their efforts all fall short,
as proof of which I now submit the full police report .
" THE PLOT TO HIGHJACK SANTAS' SLEIGH WAS FOILED BY BALLADEER"
Is how the headlines ran that day "UPON A MIDNIGHT CLEAR,"
"TWO SUSPECTS WERE ARRAIGNED IN COURT CONFESSING TO THEIR CRIME,
AS WRITTEN IN SOME TYPE OF POEM THAT DIDN'T EVEN RHYME."
" THE WORDS WERE MOSTLY ALL MISSPELLED, AND, HORRIBLE TO READ,
IT'S CLEAR THAT WITHOUT "BALLADEER" THEY WOULD HAVE DONE THIS DEED."
The Magistrate, on sentencing said "I've seen stupid acts,
but writing poems about your crimes ahead of time's just whacked!"
"I ought to give the both of you a long haul in the stir,
not for the crime you didn't commit, but writing as it were,
the sorriest of any poems this court's been cursed to see,
so Bailiff take them out of here , and far away from me."
That's how ol' "Deer" saved Santas' sleigh, I'm happy to relate,
until such time that once again, I set the record straight.
[This message has been edited by Balladeer (12-19-2010 04:47 PM).]