Love Tangled Love (Haibun)

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JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

0 posted 2010-12-13 08:56 PM

The Haibun is a combination of prose strong in imagery and at least one haiku. The prose in a haibun is trimmed to its essence just as a haiku is composed of few words chosen for their particular meaning. A haibun relates a journey, whether the travels are a physical exploration of the world or an internal journey of discovery. Often haibun contain a revelation or epiphany obtained through experience. The prose can reflect fragmented thoughts or
complete sentences, but the sentences are tight with all the words serving a purpose. It is important to note that a haibun is not a short story.

Author's Note: I take liberties with the haibun in that I use senryu instead of haiku because I prefer it over the haiku.

I hate the silence
In my ear and in my life
Silence weep for me

It has been two weeks since I stormed out of her house in a snit fit. The first few days were spent at the nearby watering hole drowning my rage in boilermakers and lies.

If I call her now
What in the world can I say
After I said that

Made such a fool of myself they told me to find another watering hole to kill myself in. And so I did for a solid week. Three days ago I had a vision that she was waiting for me to call.

I picked up the phone
Let it ring and ring and ring
She knew who it was

Her phone's ID would have told her it was me calling. Yes, she knew. I walked to the apartment complex where she lives and hid in the shadows. I watched.

When she left for work
I stayed hidden in shadows
Until she got off

When she came home from work there were two women from her office with her. I recognized them but they didn't see me in the shadows. They were laughing and giggling like teenagers. She is not a teenager.

How dare she have fun
Why doesn’t she cry like me
Beginning to hate

I didn't have to hide in the shadows because it was almost midnight when she came back. The other women were not with her. A man was.

They stopped and they hugged
How could she do that to me
It's starting to rain

No. That isn't rain. It is tears flooding my eyes, streaming down my face. When she walked into the building with him my heart broke. I remained there, waiting for him to leave. It is the next morning and past time for her to go to work. She is still up there doing things with him.

I have no more tears
I'm in another gin mill
What do I do now

I sat in that bar from opening til closing for ten straight days. I ran out of money. I started pawning things. Soon I had nothing to pawn. I have an old German Luger, with rounds from World War II. An uncle brought it back.

With Luger in hand
Again I stand in shadows
For the two lovebirds

It is late afternoon when he strolls out of the building and sits on the steps smoking a foot-long nasty cigar. I wait for her. Need both of them together, don't I? She is at work I assume, and yes, I assume correctly. Here she comes. He rises to meet her with a shallow embrace.

Luger to my head
I step out of the shadows
I call out her name

She turns and sees me and a smile crosses her face and she speaks. "Where have you been, I've tried to call you. This is my brother. He's staying awhile until he can find a place."

My finger is pressed
I can't stop it fast enough
I hear "I love you"

In the surreal moments where life and death are one I hear her crying out my name. She is there beside me, cradling my head, saying over and over "Why, oh my god why, didn't you know I loved you?"

I am not alive
But I watch her every day
Keeping her from harm

Martie

Moderator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-09-21

Posts 28049
California

1 posted 2010-12-13 09:08 PM

Hi Jerry...I like this form. What a sad story you've told with it.

Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

2 posted 2010-12-13 09:16 PM

Jerry: Style and content are very interesting... can't say I've encountered either within these blue halls. I like the way it works. You've communicated well the misery of miscommunication.

"We'll chase them like rats across the tundra."

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

3 posted 2010-12-13 09:35 PM

Hi Martie, thank you, but it doesn't have to be a sad story. I've been chastened before because of my sad themes. It's just how it goes with me for the most part.

<><><><>

Thanks Andrew, I appreciate your nice comments about this interesting, but new to me too, style.

s1nfully_1nn0c3nt
Senior Member

since 2003-10-26

Posts 1105
Watertown, NY

4 posted 2010-12-13 10:08 PM

Haibun eh? Interesting....I like the structure of it. Enjoyed.

-Trina.

You'd be surprised by the pain I can imagine inflicting and receiving.

flash
Member

since 2010-11-28

Posts 213
miami beach, florida

5 posted 2010-12-14 01:32 AM

Jerry: very interesting twist on the old haibun! You might have created a new form--enriching an old traditional haibun with senryu sentiments. And the sad tale had me on the edge of my seat all the way through to the surreal end.

And i'm sure during that week's stay at the watering hole drowning your sorrows you encountered the barfly Bukowski and exchanged a round or two--interspersed with talk about how the ladies have done you in..Ha!

Al

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

6 posted 2010-12-14 03:11 AM

Jerry Jerry Jerry

Why in the world didn't you tell me you were Alfred Hitchcock Junior?
I would have understood everything you write so much better. I'll do better from now on through it all.

Oh by the way, thanks for the poetry explanation, I'm just a simple songwriter you know!!

Eric

This band's won two grammys for instrumentals. You don't know how that makes me feel as the lead singer!

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

7 posted 2010-12-14 07:12 AM

"Oh by the way, thanks for the poetry explanation, I'm just a simple songwriter"

I hope that wasn't a dig, Eric. I only put the explanation up there because it is a form I had never seen before and assumed not many had.

Thanks for the left-handed compliment anyway.

<><><><>

Flash, you betcha about Bukowski. We even went into the alley and resurrected that famous fight scene from the movie. I kicked his ass.

<><><><>

Appreciate it Trina.

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

8 posted 2010-12-14 01:12 PM

It's definitely no dig Jerry I truly do not know anything about all those poetic formats. Like I said I'm a simple songwriter. It's what I do best. Maybe I should stick with the songwriting boards but there are a few old friends here that I really admire.

I was just having some fun with the Alfred Hitchcock thing. This story smacks of his darkly motivated plots. I thought it was a compliment but maybe not.

Please think nothing of it all.

Have a great day!

Eric

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

9 posted 2010-12-14 02:46 PM

I'm okay, just wondered, Eric. Your "simple songwriter" expression seemed something other than you intended to me I guess, because to me you are NOT a simple songwriter, I enjoy your songs. Very much. Sorry about the confusion, I lay it all on me.

JamesMichael
Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-16

Posts 33336
Kapolei, Hawaii, USA

10 posted 2010-12-14 06:34 PM

Fine writing...really enjoyed this...James

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

11 posted 2010-12-14 08:51 PM

Thank you James for your kind remark.

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