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Passions in Poetry

Portrait of a Girl in the Rain

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soul drifter
Senior Member
since 09-08-2004
Posts 522
Colorado


0 posted 12-13-2010 01:18 PM       View Profile for soul drifter   Email soul drifter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for soul drifter

Portrait of a Girl in the Rain

Portrait of a girl in the rain
thinking about anything but me
portrait of a boy gone insane
hoping for her blue eyes to be
crawling all around my face
take me away to a better place
keep me sacred
leaves me naked
and oh
so awake

Thumbnail of a love on a pillow
left weathered there and alone
staring through her soul's windows
blue moons light up this friendzone
and stupid me, trying to be more
to her, trying to find lovezone's door
looking forever
never say never
oh yeah
potential lover

And when the ink's dried and the gypsies have lied
will you still be here, sighing, "at least we tried"
well, when the night has faded from the screen
open up to a brand-new technicolor scene
in which the damsel saves my ass
and all these promises will come to pass
they must come at last

Portrait of a girl in the rain
sinking in her darkest reverie
painting of a red lingering pain
unfinished in the blue eyes of me
caressing her lovely face
let's go away to that better place
leave me sacred
keep me naked
and oh
oh so awake

And now I'm dreaming the angels hide their wings
and you're still here, my soft rainy day queen
well, now the day is rising within my eyes
opened up like wounds and futile tries
gotta make these moments last
and all these promises should come to pass
I know they will come at last

Awake.
Potential lover, oh yeah
never say it's over
or I will be a perfect picture in heartbreak

Is this heaven or...
or is it just a beautiful mistake?

"And all the world is football-shaped,
it's just for me to kick in space." -- XTC, 'Senses Working Overtime'

© Copyright 2010 Zach Hilgefort - All Rights Reserved
easy1
Senior Member
since 05-22-2010
Posts 1209
Southeastern USA


1 posted 12-21-2010 09:38 AM       View Profile for easy1   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for easy1

This is not that bad at all, and there are some excellent lines here.

Don't know why no other replies/comments yet...
ken206573
Member
since 10-14-2008
Posts 475


2 posted 12-22-2010 05:11 PM       View Profile for ken206573   Email ken206573   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ken206573

So much sweet mistakes, the poem is beautifully written. happy holidays
JerryPat
Senior Member
since 10-30-2010
Posts 1985
Louisiana/America


3 posted 12-26-2010 10:14 PM       View Profile for JerryPat   Email JerryPat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JerryPat's Home Page   View IP for JerryPat

Love those beautiful mistakes.

To mimic is a form of praise unless
you have no thoughts of your own

XGarapanX
Senior Member
since 06-19-2008
Posts 1416
Rekjavik Iceland


4 posted 12-28-2010 08:44 PM       View Profile for XGarapanX   Email XGarapanX   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit XGarapanX's Home Page   View IP for XGarapanX

Yes, wonderful, and some really great lines. This was the one I liked...

"And when the ink's dried and the gypsies have lied will you still be here, sighing, "at least we tried"

·´~`·­»Garapan«­·´~`·

Bastet
Member
since 05-07-2010
Posts 246


5 posted 12-29-2010 04:20 AM       View Profile for Bastet   Email Bastet   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Bastet

A beautiful poem with a lot of emotional content. Very well expressed. Also, very musical.
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 02-08-2003
Posts 21103
Eternity


6 posted 12-29-2010 05:54 AM       View Profile for Margherita   Email Margherita   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Margherita

Nice, captivating song.

Love,
Margherita
BluesSerenade
Member Rara Avis
since 10-23-2001
Posts 9867
By the Seaside


7 posted 12-29-2010 05:41 PM       View Profile for BluesSerenade   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for BluesSerenade

And when the ink's dried and the gypsies have lied
will you still be here, sighing, "at least we tried"
well, when the night has faded from the screen
open up to a brand-new technicolor scene

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Loving those lines, and the endless possibilities they bring to mind.

Your poetry is fresh with the most wonderful flavor.
Happy New Year to you~
It's just so great to read your work, soul drifter.
JerryPat
Senior Member
since 10-30-2010
Posts 1985
Louisiana/America


8 posted 12-29-2010 06:19 PM       View Profile for JerryPat   Email JerryPat   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JerryPat's Home Page   View IP for JerryPat

Just wanted to expound on my earlier short comments after I reread this. Taken in some ways, this comes off as a pretty darn good country song. A lot of pain and suffering, and blue eyes longing, etc.

The poem kept me interested because of your honest, but different;y used expressions, such as "And when the ink's dried and the gypsies have lied / will you still be here, sighing, "at least we tried"

It is that kind of offbeat style that I particularly like. Good writing.

To mimic is a form of praise unless
you have no thoughts of your own
soul drifter
Senior Member
since 09-08-2004
Posts 522
Colorado


9 posted 01-04-2011 04:01 PM       View Profile for soul drifter   Email soul drifter   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for soul drifter

Thanks so much to everyone for the comments. I kinda liked this one and I was worried this would be one my posts withe a 0 in the comment column. Groovy.

Jerrypat, thanks, though I personally can't stand country music! (although, Johnny Cash is pretty cool, but then I can't imagine him doing anything like this song.)

"Don't mistake paradise for a pair of long legs." -Watts, Some Kind of Wonderful

 
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