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Open Poetry #46
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Amaryllis
Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306
Mi now

0 posted 2010-11-03 12:16 PM


I didn`t set out to write her
it wasn`t supposed to be a poem
but channels of fresh, sharp and cold
running hidden within the salt
is all, so I didn`t worry
when like Khloris her slow exhalations
began to tint of petals
rose, narcissus, chrysanthemum
and hints of hyacinth
falling from alabaster lips
to seed the barren fields
elysian, no caution stuttered this quill.
Still, by the time a garden lifted
at my feet, I lay passive in Zephyros` blue embrace
content to be possessed of this West Wind
if he`d make of me a wife.
She winks of guile, scarcely hidden laughter
moves the hand, the fingers on the page
so by the time I recognize deceit
it means as much as one  poppy seed
small and dark, a perfect pill of pleasure.

© Copyright 2010 Amaryllis - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

1 posted 2010-11-03 12:34 PM


lovely~~~

  you leave this reader very impressed and pondering the layers within...

truly enjoying reading you ma'am.

Amaryllis
Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306
Mi now
2 posted 2010-11-03 12:41 PM


Thank you, Cpat...
It... speaks to the powerlessness of the writer in the grip of muse, is all... she tricks us into revealing more than we knew...  
Thanks for reading!
Best~
Amaryllis

Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

3 posted 2010-11-03 12:51 PM


yes, by the title and content that is one way the metaphor can be seen, but it can also be seen as a change of season, the betrayal of of words themselves, the lies we are unaware of until a time when it is too late....

I see layers ma'am...and regardless of the intent, your muse has woven them into this

truly enjoyable read, with wonderful use of language and imagery

Amaryllis
Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306
Mi now
4 posted 2010-11-03 12:59 PM


Well, yes... and that`s fascinating, in that I wonder how much our subconcious leans into our writings; any author... even when we feel we`ve overtly addressed something else~? Scary! Haha  
.
I was studying Botticelli`s famous painting recently, and was inspired, the image of the flowers tumbling from her (Khloris`) lips stayed with me...  
.
~A

JerryPat
Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991
Louisiana/America
5 posted 2010-11-03 03:42 PM


I saw more than the Muse's tricks, but that is what makes the poem work differently for different folks, is, after all, the Muse's tricks. Loved it!

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

s1nfully_1nn0c3nt
Senior Member
since 2003-10-26
Posts 1105
Watertown, NY
6 posted 2010-11-03 06:26 PM


We are all slaves to our Muse, even if we don't acknowledge it. Enjoyed.

-Trina.

"To decieve ones self, is truly a grueling battle. One which we're destined to lose."

Prasad Nataraj
Senior Member
since 2008-05-29
Posts 1149
Bangalore,India
7 posted 2010-11-04 04:42 AM


Fine writing.

"Hardwork pays in the long run"

Amaryllis
Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306
Mi now
8 posted 2010-11-04 09:43 AM


Thank you very much, Jerry, sinfully, and Prasad      I appreciate your reading me...
.
Best~
Amaryllis

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
9 posted 2010-11-04 11:34 AM


I always blame the poppy seed when my drug tests fail..(grin)  well done lady!!
Amaryllis
Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306
Mi now
10 posted 2010-11-04 11:52 AM


Ah, yes, that good ol` poppy seed..      lol
Thanks, Mr. Dark, for reading me.
.
Best~
Amaryllis

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
11 posted 2010-11-05 01:58 PM


Reads like the quiet before dawn.  
The stillness makes for a real beauty of a poem.

Well done, A~

2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
12 posted 2010-11-06 08:32 AM


a lot of pleasure to read this inspired write, lovely images and emtional seeds for an enchantment.

regards

yann

viking_metal
Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.
13 posted 2010-11-06 11:50 AM


The flower bit reminds me of a poem I wrote once, but yours is much better.

Fall in love early, fall in love often.

Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
14 posted 2010-11-06 12:15 PM


Amaryllis....The sound of this to my ear is enchanting, the meaning...a field of flowers in flux, but more.  Loved it.
ethome
Member Patricius
since 2000-05-14
Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada
15 posted 2010-11-06 12:44 PM


"She winks of guile, scarcely hidden laughter
moves the hand, the fingers on the page
so by the time I recognize deceit
it means as much as one  poppy seed
small and dark, a perfect pill of pleasure."

My, how clever!
Great images throughout.

Eric

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