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JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

0 posted 2010-10-30 01:09 PM

dust devil swirled up from the ground
spun itself into the air
funnel widened at the top
whipped by the wind
then it was gone
poof
what the hell
if we're looking for meaning
in life
true meaning
dust devils may hold the key
in the watermelon smells of summer
some gulls hovering above me
summoned by the dust devils
maybe
why they called that anyway
dust devils
I'm in a courtyard
in the center of some apartments
Conti Street
New Orleans
been here before
that's why I'm back
I like what I found here
been coming back a long time
courtyard, like the apartments
showing age
algae-streaked limestone fountain
sits almost embarrassingly
in the middle of the courtyard
with a carved water basin
overgrown with hyacinths
as I wait
for Consuelo I look upward at the sky
not one cloud do I see
just a flamboyant peacock blue sky
I'd only seen on children's crayons
ah
Consuelo appears
top of the stairs of the second floor apartments
an off-the-shoulder gown
colorful African splashes and swatches
kerchief tied around her head
like a field worker
on her it reeks of royalty
she draws her long neck
toward the bluer than blue sky
like a cobra
I wait for the hissing and the spitting
didn't come
instead a smile
that tingled my scrotum
as she glided down the stairs
queen-like
I stood
she slid her arm
into the crook of mine
and the world was ours

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

1 posted 2010-10-30 01:34 PM

Well, I'm going to enjoy your poetry
that's for sure.

Welcome to Passions!

Please check your email for a
Very Special Greeting!

" It matters not this distance now " Excerpt, Yesterday's Love
~*~
KRJ

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

2 posted 2010-10-30 02:25 PM

What a lovely thing for you to do. Thank you very much for the card, It touched me.

latearrival
Member Ascendant

since 2003-03-21

Posts 5499
Florida

3 posted 2010-10-30 05:13 PM

WELCOME, more words from you are eagerly anticipated. latearrival

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

4 posted 2010-10-30 05:22 PM

Thank you, latearrival. I think I may like this place. thank you again for your kind words.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius

since 2001-10-23

Posts 10549
By the Seaside

5 posted 2010-10-30 07:12 PM

Oh this is nice, very colorful, love the visuals and the sense of joy in the end.

Really enjoyed reading your poem~
welcome to the blue pages, JerryPat~

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

6 posted 2010-10-30 07:14 PM

I am happy to be here on these blue pages, BluesSerenade. From what I have seen just on my first day, I think I have found a good place. Thank you again, I really appreciate your kind words.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

7 posted 2010-10-30 07:59 PM

Welcome to the Blue....
truly enjoyed your offering and look forward to reading more from your pen.

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

8 posted 2010-10-30 09:38 PM

Thank you, Cpat Hair, everyone is very nice.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

Amaryllis
Senior Member

since 2010-05-20

Posts 1306
Mi now

9 posted 2010-10-31 06:02 PM

Hello, Jerry, and welcome here~
.
Alright, I`ve returned to this poem enough times to know I need to comment.

First off, I enjoy your style... this is some fine writing, here. I like the sensate lines- sight. color, smell, etc here, and good imagery. Call me a prude, perhaps, but the only word that seemed off in the whole poem was the male anatomical reference in the 7th L up from the end... it just kind of trips me up whenever I read this... maybe because the casual medical word doesn`t seem to fit with the voice/dialect of the remainder of the poem? Just my thoughts... please ignore as needed

Overall, an interesting write... you have a gift.
Best~
Amaryllis

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

10 posted 2010-10-31 06:27 PM

I don't know. It seems to me that you are nit-picking.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

11 posted 2010-10-31 06:29 PM

I mean you couldn't even type the word? You have to go the long way around? I'm sorry, but it sounds like a personal problem to me, and I suppose I will probably be kicked off of this site for saying this, but I speak what I feel.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

12 posted 2010-10-31 06:59 PM

Hey JerryPat... could see and feel this one all the way through… a sign of quality worthy of these parts in blue.

As for the scientific nutsack terminology, yall can tell me to kiss the sky, but Amaryllis did say you could ignore at will with a wink and a smile. And being kicked off... I don't think so... See we’ve got this guy named Toerag who's laid down far more provocative comments than yours and he's still loved by the majority. Balladeer has been trying to get rid of Toe for years, and he's a professional exterminator by trade!

Of course, I might get kicked off for the nutsack comment.

All the same, keep 'em comin'.

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

13 posted 2010-10-31 07:37 PM

Thanks Andrew.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

14 posted 2010-10-31 08:11 PM

No problema mi compadre. All is muy bueno!

"We'll chase them like rats across the tundra."

Amaryllis
Senior Member

since 2010-05-20

Posts 1306
Mi now

15 posted 2010-10-31 08:42 PM

I deeply apologize, Jerry, I sure didn`t mean to offend you... I suppose I go about my comment/critique the way I`d like on my own poems, seeing on your profile you encourage critique.... remember, `tis just a silly opinion from this gal, and yes, maybe a personal prob? lol In all seriousness I hadn`t meant to nitpick, the word did not offend me, in fact I found the poem very well written

I will remove the comment if you wish? Again, apologies, dear writer. Cruelty is never my m.o. Please keep writing and sharing~!
My best to you~
Amaryllis

Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

16 posted 2010-10-31 08:48 PM

See... even Amaryllis says all is good.

"We'll chase them like rats across the tundra."

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

17 posted 2010-10-31 08:55 PM

No, Amaryllis, don't take the comment off. I'm tempted to have a quick trigger when I'm challenged about my work after I have gone over it and didn't see anything wrong with it. I had the poem turned down when I first tried to post it because I had a word in it that was a no-no for this site, so I rewrote that line, and had no idea I would be challenged about anything else. No sweat. Thank you for getting back to me. Friend, eh?

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

18 posted 2010-10-31 08:56 PM

Yes, Andrew. Everything is good.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

Andrew Scott
Member Elite

since 1999-06-24

Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA

19 posted 2010-10-31 09:23 PM

Hey! I just noticed... that nutsack thing made it past the censor detectors. I guess squirrel luggage doesn’t rate high on the no-no list. Go figure. All right, I’ll shut-up now and go pass candy out to the ghouls.

"We'll chase them like rats across the tundra."

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

20 posted 2010-10-31 09:26 PM

Haha!! Have fun with the little trickers.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

Amaryllis
Senior Member

since 2010-05-20

Posts 1306
Mi now

21 posted 2010-11-01 12:18 PM

Agreed~ friends!

It`s all good.
Best~
A

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

22 posted 2010-11-01 01:31 AM

Like this. Welcome.

Alison

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

23 posted 2010-11-01 03:18 AM

This tingled me in funny places and I jumped up and had a quick cold shower cause I wouldn't want anything dirty anywhere.

Hey, I have to say Amaryllis is a real sweetheart and this is just a poetry place for fun so we need not take each other too seriously......T'aint a burn for someone not to like something it's jus life.....LOL!

I got a real chuckle out of this piece and if some don't its just OK all the way round the whole place. Have a French Capachino and dream about the day when ya don't have anything but fun. I'll be with ya.

Eric

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

24 posted 2010-11-01 07:29 AM

Eric, first off thank you for your read and comments. There isn't any trouble. I guess I was on the defensive because I'm so new here and I really like the place. But that's all done now and over with in my mind. Again, thanks.

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

JerryPat
Senior Member

since 2010-10-30

Posts 1991
Louisiana/America

25 posted 2010-11-01 07:36 AM

Thank you, Alison. Have a nice Election Day week.

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

26 posted 2010-11-01 09:56 AM

You are most welcome and I surely will.

A

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