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Open Poetry #46
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Eusta B. Mae
Senior Member
since 2010-05-03
Posts 903


0 posted 2010-10-04 04:14 PM




The beachcomber filled her hollow
With flattery on the rocks
And a come on chaser
She washed him down in a swallow

Driftwood twisted his gratification
With her own wooden
Windswept self-loathing
Into a false sense of affirmation

Driftwood met the morning oblivious
To the erosion
Of her soul
But her thirst for numbing was obvious

The roses were gone as was the tide
His drop in her bucket
Finally hit bottom
With an echo she couldn’t hide.






© Copyright 2010 Eusta B. Mae - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

1 posted 2010-10-04 04:20 PM


oh, this has more the edge of the original....  quite the image you paint in metaphor...
nicely done ma'am.

ngaiobeck
Junior Member
since 2010-09-30
Posts 11
Auberge France
2 posted 2010-10-04 07:38 PM


Well crafted! Creates many important feelings in so few words.
n Beck

Bastet
Member
since 2010-05-07
Posts 246

3 posted 2010-10-05 12:26 PM


Oh, wonderful! Really clever personification and great portrayal of human emotions. Bravo!
Eusta B. Mae
Senior Member
since 2010-05-03
Posts 903

4 posted 2010-10-05 08:53 AM


Cpat-Thank you so much for your comments, they have been very helpful in letting me know that where I'm going makes sense to more than just me (lol)

___________________________________________
ngaiobeck-Thank you for thinking my less is more. emb
____________________________________________
Bastet-Bless your heart you are keeping me on track here too with your kind words. thank you. Eusta

The Lady
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-12-26
Posts 7634
The Southwest
5 posted 2010-10-14 12:43 PM




"The beachcomber filled her hollow
With flattery on the rocks
And a come on chaser
She washed him down in a swallow"

magnificent
this has a familiar feel to it
as if I've been there

more please...


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