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Open Poetry #46
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Amberzlynnc
Member
since 2010-08-24
Posts 229
New Jersey

0 posted 2010-09-27 04:42 PM



I am all alone.
You are here,
but you're not with me.

*Amber

© Copyright 2010 Amber Corcoran - All Rights Reserved
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
1 posted 2010-09-28 02:51 AM


been there, done that

no fun

Yuka
Member
since 2010-08-19
Posts 71
china
2 posted 2010-09-28 05:32 AM


you are alone, but not lonely
Earl Brinkman
Senior Member
since 2010-03-03
Posts 1183
Osaka, Japan
3 posted 2010-10-06 07:26 AM


The subject matter is fine but for it to be a haiku it should follow a 5 - 7 - 5 syllable pattern.
Eusta B. Mae
Senior Member
since 2010-05-03
Posts 903

4 posted 2010-10-06 08:08 AM


few words speak volumes...ebm
Amberzlynnc
Member
since 2010-08-24
Posts 229
New Jersey
5 posted 2010-10-09 11:44 AM


Earl,

Thank you, but the form is actually the American version of a Haiku called a Lune

*Amber

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