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Open Poetry #46
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The Shadow in Blue
Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 493
EL, Michigan

0 posted 2010-09-13 01:26 PM



“The Referee”

The referee doth bring much needed love
depleted fire rekindled thanks to voice
that speaks the words that part the skies above
in truth rescuing tired thoughts by choice

Behind chaos’ quite amusing guise
with due reverence sorting through frayed scraps
exchanging comedy for its’ sad spies
silliness crowned, a kingdom collapses.

In its’ place, lording over this new land
refreshed sits royalty, humble, awake
imperfection embraced, with fear now banned
no more shall thee partake of wine so fake

Because with honesty I say to you
the referee, my consort, is too true

© Copyright 2010 Jill Slamka - All Rights Reserved
Cpat Hair
Deputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Patricius
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793

1 posted 2010-09-13 01:39 PM


an interesting write... in both use of language and the content presented...

enjoyed ....

The Shadow in Blue
Member
since 2006-05-18
Posts 493
EL, Michigan
2 posted 2010-09-13 04:31 PM


Thanks. I explored the use of the Shakespearean sonnet, trying to get out of my comfort zone.

~Jill

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
3 posted 2010-09-13 05:57 PM


Excellent write.

Love,
Margherita

easy1
Senior Member
since 2010-05-22
Posts 1209
Southeastern USA
4 posted 2010-09-14 03:54 PM


I appreciate your use of traditional form. Imho "does collapse" would fit the rhyme with "scraps" and play off the "doth", if I may be so bold as to suggest. Was also wondering if the reference to wine is also to "whine", but, please don't say here whether 'tis so or no... an enjoyed read.
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