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Open Poetry #46

End of Beginnings

crosscountry83
Member

since 2009-07-30

Posts 345

0 posted 2010-08-23 01:51 AM

It's been awhile, and I hope to be around to read/comment on other people's work more. A note: this one's supposed to be messy/hard to read, but I haven't decided why yet. So.. congratulations if you can get through it.

I've lied, so long, says the
facts are that people wouldn't get
it wouldn't ever seem
true is moral. Is it,
really, why, yes it
is what happens if I give
up is down totally,
completely no more of those
lies do anything to
convince me that I'm
real? it's all going to
go? and what's left will be
bare hurts like heck, say
no way am I ready, but
yes it can't be like
this thinking, it's not the
best most fun years of my
life are gone. gone,
because why? I've been
eaten myself alive,
there's so much
scarring hides what's
left is fear, that's
what path, and only
one bridge, cracking,
broken there's no way I
can I get rid of
everything? but the real
to even hope to get
across.. why do I
care there for
halfway, and the real me is
hated and it's all
gone anyway, because I
can't. do. it. ever.
ever think about
jumping, yes. that's the
one thing to keep me
here I go, because I'm
done is the word for
acting will get me
nowhere is my location to
be a good friend,
someday I'll be the
friends save friends; they
care about the
end of a beautiful
life is anything and
everything is there to
be the reason to stay.

easy1
Senior Member

since 2010-05-22

Posts 1209
Southeastern USA

1 posted 2010-08-23 10:15 AM

Your lines are not lies, and weave or hook themselves (it seems) together in a simple yet effective scheme.

The author here has potential as a "catcher in the rye", for good not for ill, and this is a worthy role.

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

2 posted 2010-08-23 11:11 AM

Aww, Rileigh, this is good stuff. Your writing in this poem reminds of times I have felt boxed in and everything assaulted me at once. Good job.

Alison

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