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Open Poetry #46
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Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan

0 posted 2010-08-18 10:20 AM


.


An old streetlamp
Or sunlit moon

Through the window
A soft gray glow
On cast off clothes

It is summer—

On the road outside
There are occasional cars
A swishing sound
Like waves on shore
As they go passing by

For hours today
You talked of work
Some movie to see

The one just seen
Your cat at home
And a new wool coat
You saw at the mall . . .

It’s no more again
Than all the days before

Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
Layer upon layer
Of sediment

And as I look at your face
I think to myself—
You have no idea who you are


.


© Copyright 2010 John Pawlik - All Rights Reserved
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
1 posted 2010-08-20 04:29 AM


You can help her to find out though with your understanding, wisdom and love.

An invitation to go deeper into the meaning of life.

Well done!

Margherita

Huan Yi
Member Ascendant
since 2004-10-12
Posts 6688
Waukegan
2 posted 2010-08-20 10:21 AM


.


“This, John, is beautiful.

It's reminiscent of John Burnside's work, and also a poem that won the National a few years back that I loved by Beatrice Garland, "undressing":

http://www.poetrysociety.org.uk/content/competitions/npc/npc01/  

It's one of those poems that starts ever so quietly and relies heavily on establishing and maintaining a tone and atmosphere, and which creates in the reader a spine tingling anticipation that the quietness and gentleness are cloaking something: some great truth or final tragedy.

Burnside is brilliant at doing it, and often that anticipation or expectation in his poems is an end in itself, and they fade softly against some soft mist or dusk filled evening. This poem of yours however runs down wonderfully to that final, almost hauntingly painful line:

"You have no idea who you are"

and when I read it, I smiled at the inevitability and rightness of it as the closure.

It's poems like this that remind me why Boards like AT are so worthwhile  

Thank you

Rob”


.

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
3 posted 2010-08-20 11:42 AM


A great comment, thank you for sharing it.

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