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Open Poetry #46
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In love with love
| Open Poetry #46 |
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In love with love |
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freeand2sexy Senior Member
since 2008-09-12
Posts 704CA, USA |
I'm in love with love, In love with clichés Like a bouquet of red roses And a heart shaped box Of chocolates. I'm in love with love, In love with picnics, Watching sunsets, And eating chocolate covered Strawberries. I'm in love with love, But I don't want to be. I want to be, In love with you, In love With a bouquet of lilies And a packet of Pop Rocks. In love with you, In love with gruesome movies Watching people get their limbs Chopped off. I'm in love with love But I want to be, In love with you. "When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car" - Unknown [This message has been edited by freeand2sexy (08-16-2010 09:02 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2010 Christine Juarez - All Rights Reserved | |||
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katahdin Senior Member
since 2010-07-01
Posts 1196ME. In the Shadow of the Mt. |
Sometimes we just try too hard to fall in love and lose the real meaning of love. Kat >^..^< |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Hm, you had me until the limbs got lopped... hm... I`d tone that part down, and the poem would actually (though seemingly paradoxically) have MORE impact.. imho, of course  I liked the idea of turning the cliche on it`s head.. a great device, perfectly suited to a piece such as this!~Amaryllis |
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Nocturnal Pulse Member
since 2010-08-12
Posts 84Australia |
Beautiful write - Love as a concept is often more desirable then it's reality. |
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Bob K Member Elite
since 2007-11-03
Posts 4208 |
The poem for me works best when you talk about the more specific and peculiar sort s of things, the slasher movies and the pop rocks sort of thing. I worry when you are tempted to talk about the hearts and flowers stuff. Not that hearts and flowers aren't and can't be romantic, it's simply that they don't have the shock of surprise that a good poem can supply with fresh language and imagry, even when the poem has gotten more familiar. Most of us will not look at or will not notice the details of experience that are particular to us and we tend to settle for re-descriptions of other people's experience or for the sort of experience that our friends our our cluture tell us we are supposed to be having. We may not even recognize our own experience, because we give preference to the experience that the culture uses and re-uses, like comercials. Little kittens and infants as a short cut for the experience of finding something touching and valuable. In one of his novels, William Goldman talks about a character who has a neurological defect that gives him a constant low grade pain in his rib cage, someplace, but because he's always had it, he doesn't think it particular, thinks everybody has the same thing and has never mentioned it to anybody. I have no idea where Mr. Goldman got that detail, but it's perfect, and he knew enough to slip it into one of his books and never to call attention to it again. It makes the character absolutely human and believable. I've never seen anything like that used before or since. It's unlikely a writer will get many of this gifts in the course of a lifetime, but it's better to strive for more of those and fewer kittens when you want to talk about the sort of love you have for somebody. From William Stafford, and this is rough, since it's late and I don't want to go to his collected poems, but roughly, When I think about you all the boxes marked 1935 fall off the shelves. That would be a PRETTY nice way to be remembered, don't you think? Or to remember somebody else? If you haven't read any of Ezra Pounds prose on poetry and writing, he used to tell folks "Make it new!" and "Fill every rift with Ore!" Those are good things to keep in mind as well. Oh, and he seems to have been a pretty nasty man in many respects, so don't follow his political advice and become a Fascist. Literally. He made broadcasts for Mussolini. Great Literary Advice, not Dear Abby. Nice talking with you, F&2S. Hope there's something useful here. Best to you, Bob Kaven |
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Hi again.. just wanted to add that I agree with BobK... I adore the realistic particulars in the 2nd part of your poem.. that`s what I was getting at about liking the `standing the cliche on it`s head` device.. it works well, fresher descriptions tend to grab your reader and really stick with them. As you already know. Well my aversion (to the dismemberment line only) is simply my opinion, nothing more  Best to you~Amaryllis |
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Bill Charles Member Patricius
since 2000-07-11
Posts 10619highways, & byways, for now |
freeand2sexy - great expression of feelings... BC |
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Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
nice to turn the stereotypical images on their head so to speak... I struggled a bit with limbs chopped off..LOL.. in part I think because of the word sounds as much as anything.. that may not make much sense.. but the sounds seem abrubt where the rest of the piece seems to have soft rythms.. a nice read... and I look forward to seeing what else you offer up for us to feast on. |
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