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Open Poetry #46
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Angeltears
New Member
since 2010-08-08
Posts 9


0 posted 2010-08-08 08:46 PM


The sad Angel.


An Angel past me on a stormy night,
and she glowed a big shinny light.
she said something but i could not hear,
and so she falded a tear.
I would ask whats wrong,
but i was not that strong.
She looked around and then she flew away,
but.... i wanted her to stay.


© Copyright 2010 Angeltears - All Rights Reserved
Andrew Scott
Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558
Redlands,CA,USA
1 posted 2010-08-08 09:25 PM


First of all… welcome to PIP.  For your first post I have to say I like what you had to offer.  Now, you’ll find this to be a pretty nice place with plenty of helpful souls, and in that spirit I have a few comments. God knows I’ve made my fair share of mistakes, so much so, that I’m coming up on the backside of perfect (which is a pretty ugly sight in itself)… but shouldn’t that first line read, “An Angle passed me…”? And change shinny for shiny.  I’m not sure what ‘falded’ is suppose to be… and change ‘whats’ to ‘what’s’.  In the end you can tell me to shove it where the sun don’t shine, but some editing would greatly help all concerned. Please don’t let my words discourage you in any way. Keep ‘em coming. Peace.
passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
2 posted 2010-08-09 01:03 AM


Welcome to our poem home!

I must agree with Andrew but I seem to get the idea that you are not from the USA. Lots of folks here are from around the world and you'll fit in just fine.



Angeltears
New Member
since 2010-08-08
Posts 9

3 posted 2010-08-09 05:58 AM


Hi Andrew.

You are absolutely right that the først line should have been "An Angel passed me" and shiny instead of shinny, and What's instead of whats:-)But i'm really glad to hear your opinion as this is my first poem in English:-)


Passing shadows.

It is true i'm not from the USA

Hugs Michelle:-)

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
4 posted 2010-08-09 12:53 PM


Michelle,

Welcome to Passions! Thank you for practicing your English in such a place...you'll find it a warm and welcoming home away from home.

Please check your Email for a Very Special Greeting!


passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
5 posted 2010-08-10 01:39 AM


Hi Michelle

you did fantastic with a first poem in English! I applaud you!

Can't wait to read more!

Angel4aKing
Senior Member
since 2006-09-27
Posts 1372
USA
6 posted 2010-08-10 02:50 PM


welcome to pip talk ..... beautiful poem striked my imagination for sure!!! I sure hope the angel stays with you next time!!! I will defienitely look for more of your poems....great writing!!! J

~~~kingsangel~~~

Angeltears
New Member
since 2010-08-08
Posts 9

7 posted 2010-08-10 03:11 PM


I'm so glad that you all liked my poem, i promise that the next time i don't make so many mistakes in my poem.
Thankyou all!
You are wonderful people everyone! :-)

Hugs Michelle :-)

Dreamer 1971
New Member
since 2010-08-10
Posts 3

8 posted 2010-08-10 04:10 PM


Hi Michelle

My wonderfull daughter, alot of people in here knows you dad as Dreamer, and you have made just a wonderfull poem looking into that this is your first english poem it says so much.

--------------
Hi Passing Shadows

How is the piano doing, you know that ya in my thoughts, how ya doing smiles ..............
Dreamer / Jes

Amaryllis
Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306
Mi now
9 posted 2010-08-10 04:53 PM


Welcome to PiP, angeltears! This is an adorable little poem.. and I`m impressed with your writing in a language that isn`t your native tongue.. I have not yet had the nerve to try that!     Keep writing!
Best to you~Amaryllis

passing shadows
Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577
displaced
10 posted 2010-08-10 04:54 PM


aw Jes, I'm so glad to see you again!

It's a wonderful thing to have both you and your daughter here with us!

The piano is doing just fine, waiting for me to learn new songs but when the garden is done, I will dust it off.

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