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Open Poetry #46

While you were sleeping

martiniat8
Senior Member

since 2003-06-21

Posts 897
Prague, Bohemia, Czech Republic

0 posted 2010-07-09 03:56 AM

Good morning, můj miláček (my sweetheart)
did you rest well?
were your dreams filled with...
hell

with the nightmares
of your journeys end
your worries, is this how you meet
how your heart will mend

in pillows and sheets
where other women, come, and go
while you are away
your man strays, it is said so

is this where you weep
on stains others have left, deep
unseen by self blindfolded eyes
while you're away, děvka kůže je sladká. (the mistress's skin is sweet)

Good morning, my love...
How did you sleep?

Cpat Hair

Member Patricius

since 2001-06-05

Posts 11793

1 posted 2010-07-09 07:39 AM

certainly a darker tone.... well written....

thanks for the share m'friend

Balladeer

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-05

Posts 25505
Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA

2 posted 2010-07-09 08:12 AM

Dark, indeed.....and chilling.

"is this where you weep
on stains others have left"

Very powerful writing...I'm left with the question of who is speaking? SOmeone offering sympathy? Someone pointing out the woman is deserving of her man's actions? I find that part leaving a question in my mind.

easy1
Senior Member

since 2010-05-22

Posts 1209
Southeastern USA

3 posted 2010-07-09 09:20 AM

A good write imho. I rather suspect this is to a wayward mate, perhaps soon to be ex-mate. (and no puns here about a Czech mate, thx)

martiniat8
Senior Member

since 2003-06-21

Posts 897
Prague, Bohemia, Czech Republic

4 posted 2010-07-09 11:10 AM

yes, it is dark. One must be able to write all shades of the rainbow.

It is written from the perspective of a poet who loves the woman that is being cheated on, she remains loyal to the cheater, and is tormented by him. The poet is trying to expose the situation for what it truly is. I left it vague for the reader's interpretation to fill in what they feel, believe...

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

5 posted 2010-07-09 11:47 AM

hello Martiniat, this is sad but very well expressed...Thanks for sharing.

yann

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