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Drifting
| Open Poetry #46 |
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Drifting |
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Eldest Member
since 2010-06-15
Posts 177Alabama |
Sometimes I wonder what part of me is missing. I have lost body parts but they don't possess a soul. Yet I feel that part of me is drifting somewhere, lost, just out of reach of my grasping hands. Maybe it's that "normal" I used to have before. Before cancer, before surgery, before chemo. Before this new normal. I still haven't defined the new normal. Perhaps because I'm just drifting and waiting, waiting to see if it comes back. Not the normal. The cancer. I can say the word, I can tell you in graphic detail all about my experiences in a chipper tone that will amaze you. I can be very nonchalant about it. Everyone says, "oh you did so well, you've been an example" I'm just grateful they can't really see inside. Inside there is a frightened little mouse, afraid that the elephant will come back. I lost whole days, whole weeks, not just my hair. There is a piece of my life missing and I can't get it back. |
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| © Copyright 2010 Eldest - All Rights Reserved | |||
Cpat Hair
since 2001-06-05
Posts 11793 |
I have read, that true courage is not the absence of fear, but facing the object of the fear and dealing with it... I see courage..... even in the drifting |
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2islander2 Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825by the sea |
painful confession , thanks for deep sharing beautifully expressed regards yann |
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Toerag Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622Ala bam a |
I can relate to this. I too have these exact thoughts, feelings and despair. I try to be strong for my family as they do for me. We can never get that "piece of my life" back, and yes, I have a little mouse that knows the elephant's back, and keeps coming back, after awhile I've grown accustomed to the constant pain and as for the "fear"? I've found that I can overcome that with humor, or try. Sadly life won't always flow Like the melody of song, Admire the one that can still laugh When everything goes wrong. Smiles that are worth, more than anything on earth, are the smiles that shine thru tears... Bless you dear lady. Scott |
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Eldest Member
since 2010-06-15
Posts 177Alabama |
Thank you, Bama Boy |
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Richy Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 3050 |
Even though I can hardly remember the two years that I was on dialysis waiting for a kidney transplant because I was overly medicated, still I have never had to deal with anything as severe as this. The only way I knew how to deal with it, was to go out swinging, I listened to what they told me to do, and then I socked that disease in the face, got better, and got my transplant. That disease knows now, that if it ever comes back, that its going to get more of the same, and so far, so good. Yeah it took some time away, but this is my life and if anything wants to take it away fromm me, then they better be ready for a whoopin. Blessings to you dear friend, work on your left hook, that knocks the wind out of em every time. Richard xx |
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Namyh Senior Member
since 2009-01-20
Posts 988 |
Eldest - Strength is not the absence of fear and uncertainty, but often comes forth in the very midst of it. Keep the faith Eldest! Keep the faith. Namyh |
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Earl Brinkman Senior Member
since 2010-03-03
Posts 1183Osaka, Japan |
I understand your feelings because my mother has cancer. I feel frustrated because all I can do is offer moral support. I can not make the disease go away. I pray that you will be okay. I wish I could make fear and pain go away. I wish I had the right words but I don`t. |
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Eldest Member
since 2010-06-15
Posts 177Alabama |
Sometimes moral support is exactly what we need. It helps to have someone who is willing to listen without trying to make it better or change what we feel. Families often cannot talk about cancer because they think they have to be positive and not deal with negative thoughts. But we need to be able to talk about all of it, not just the positive but the negative. So, just listen to what she has to say and it will be the best thing anyone could do for her. |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
I am touched by the transparency of your words and I can understand the need to be allowed to speak about the "monster". When it happened to my beloved Mother I instantly "denied" it out of sheer despair, I convinced myself, my Mom and everybody else that she was going to be fine. She lived 26 years after that and I am still grateful for all those years added to her life. It is very difficult to keep the faith, but we must try and try again. Wishing you perfect recovery, dear Poet. Love, Margherita  |
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LindsayP Member Elite
since 2007-07-28
Posts 3410Australia, Victoria |
Not the normal. The cancer. I can say the word, I can tell you in graphic detail all about my experiences in a chipper tone that will amaze you. I can be very nonchalant about it. Everyone says, "oh you did so well, you've been an example Eldest my heart goes out to you my friend for your cancer problem and full marks for the courageous way you are dealing with it. Talking about it among your friends and family is the best way for all concerned. When I had a very serious operation on my spine and had to have my pancreas removed as well, as gan green had set in. It rendered me a paraplegic and in a coma for seven weeks but after six months I was allowed to come home. sorry to waffle on but the point I want to make is that my family and I talked about death and dying until we were all totally used to the inevitable without stress, but I was an old man. You are only a young person with your whole life ahead of you and if wishes come true, I sincerely wish and pray to God for you that you will beat this terrible disease Good luck and keep the chin up. Lindsay |
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Eldest Member
since 2010-06-15
Posts 177Alabama |
Thank you Lindsay, kind words are even more kind when they come from experience and so far away |
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