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Open Poetry #46
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Amaryllis
Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306
Mi now

0 posted 2010-06-16 02:22 PM



It`s that final balance
when the bubble in the
chatruese finally stands
still, or wavering shakes
find their perfect
reach
to left and right
or when the gymnast
lands her writhing leap
dismayed, breathless
it`s the quiet after,
just before
applause
it`s the first step
in your walk from center
stage, as the crowd`s
mammilian gaze
is already
sliding
from your face
and you wipe the
flop sweat from your
hairline, it`s
like these
but
more
resilient.

© Copyright 2010 Amaryllis - All Rights Reserved
Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
1 posted 2010-06-16 03:05 PM


each bite was a grip of it't own..

It`s that final balance
when the bubble in the
chatruese finally stands
still, or wavering shakes
find their perfect
reach
to left and right

or when the gymnast
lands her writhing leap
dismayed, breathless
it`s the quiet after,
just before
applause

it`s the first step
in your walk from center
stage, as the crowd`s
mammilian gaze
is already
sliding
from your face

and you wipe the
flop sweat from your
hairline, it`s
like these
but
more
resilient.

bel1e
Senior Member
since 2006-07-24
Posts 1631

2 posted 2010-06-16 03:16 PM


I'm loving the use of chatruese in this...as a person in love with language...the poem as a whole embodies a rich imagery and shows the character of it's author....nicely done~

      

Amaryllis
Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306
Mi now
3 posted 2010-06-16 03:40 PM


Thank you both!
Bel1e.. I too love language.. I have a dynamic list of `words that I love` in my journal.. I`ve been called a `word-nerd` because of this, but it`s an epithet I own proudly!
Sames~Amaryllis

easy1
Senior Member
since 2010-05-22
Posts 1209
Southeastern USA
4 posted 2010-06-19 08:31 AM


It would be nit-picking to mention that it is often spelled "chartreuse" (after La Grande Chartreuse monastery, from the French). The reference to a carpenter's level is very plain either way.

I like the subject and your evocative treatment thereof... the subject being that long, memorable moment of accomplishment and meaning---and relief, in some ways, transitioning from doing to done---shared by artist, muse and Creator.

Thanks for a good read.

Toerag
Member Ascendant
since 1999-07-29
Posts 5622
Ala bam a
5 posted 2010-06-19 10:07 AM


Amaryllis, what a coincidence, why I've been reading my Webster's Dictionary and catching up on my diction. I mean, you know, I use all 'them' words like "yall" and "yanno" and then I read something like this and it gives me motivation to learn some of them big words like yall do.
You truly are quite good and I enjoy reading your thoughts.

Amaryllis
Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306
Mi now
6 posted 2010-06-19 10:11 AM


Thank you, easy1.. it`s always a pleasure to read your reviews, and I really value your knowlege and critique! I am a terrible speller, and I often post from my mobile, so.. no spell-check! lol  Thanks for the etymology on chartreuse.. very interesting!
Also, I am pleased that you truly read each of my poems exactly in their intended voice/subject.. it helps me know I got the message across.. your replies truly are valuable to me!  
.
My gratitude..
~Amaryllis

Amaryllis
Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306
Mi now
7 posted 2010-06-19 10:23 AM


Lol Toe!  Actually I adore the Southern accent.. please don`t lose those  `y`alls`!!
.
For some reason here in the N.W. I often hear `figger`.. (ie: "It`s hot today, figger?")  and the use of `don`t` instead of `doesn`t`.. (ie:  "It don`t matter who said it")... argh that one fries me..   lol
.
Hey thanks for what y`all said about my poem!  I really do appreciate it, Toe.  
~Amaryllis

BluesSerenade
Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549
By the Seaside
8 posted 2010-06-19 11:23 PM


You write so fine and express yourself in so many wonderful ways.

Great work, Amaryllis~

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