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Open Poetry #46
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crosscountry83
Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345


0 posted 2010-06-10 09:27 PM


Broken thoughts and shattered dreams
what once was thought was never seen.
a life, a lie, gone just then,
no, life was easy way back when.

Severed ropes and tied-up thread,
what now is thought is never said,
we ache, we cry, in disbelief,
I never thought you'd be a thief.

Cracking ice and ripped up plaid,
You took us all for what we had.
your pain, our hurt, when it was through,
I'll always know that I knew you.

bleeding tears, a loaded gun
your life - a war, could not be won.
It's much too late, but must suffice.
you need to know we loved your life.

© Copyright 2010 Riley - All Rights Reserved
Amaryllis
Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306
Mi now
1 posted 2010-06-10 10:08 PM


Oh, so heart-rending.. though so sad, it`s the final line that turns this into a eulogy..  wonderful
~Amaryllis

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
2 posted 2010-06-14 02:00 AM


Rileigh,

You have grown so much as a poet since I first started reading your poetry.  I have always appreciated your message, but this one is incredible.  Great job.  May I save it?

Keep on posting - I really admire your abilities.

xoxoxo
Alison

crosscountry83
Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345

3 posted 2010-06-14 01:42 PM


Amaryllis~Thanks for the reply; I didn't really intend it to be a eulogy, but I guess it is.

Alison,
Thanks. It's sometimes frustrating though, the fact that I can only convey a little of what I feel. You can definitely save it. I need to say thank you for being there for me overall; it means more than you'll ever know.

[This message has been edited by crosscountry83 (06-14-2010 02:18 PM).]

SlowlyFallAway
Member
since 2008-08-29
Posts 279
North Carolina
4 posted 2010-06-15 03:25 AM


This was awesome!! I really liked the way rhyme scheme as well!!
s1nfully_1nn0c3nt
Senior Member
since 2003-10-26
Posts 1105
Watertown, NY
5 posted 2010-11-26 12:08 PM


The flow is amazing. For one to lose ones life against- life, is truly heart breaking. Well written.

-Trina.

"A heart that can't feel its broken- can't heal."

JerryPat
Senior Member
since 2010-10-30
Posts 1991
Louisiana/America
6 posted 2010-11-26 04:03 PM


Gut-wrenching. Gritty. Tell-it-like-it-is kinda poetry that I very much like. Not a whine in the lines. Not a do-gooder to be seen. Just life. Betrayal. Love. Death. Magnificent!

. . . and the Raven said, %!~#&(&#!$!

Honeybunch
Member Rara Avis
since 2001-12-29
Posts 7115
South Africa
7 posted 2010-11-27 02:37 PM


I've read a few sad poems tonight but this one has really got to me.  That means it's a very good poem so well done!

Helen

crosscountry83
Member
since 2009-07-30
Posts 345

8 posted 2010-11-27 08:53 PM


I appreciate the comments <3

And thanks for bumping this after quite a few months.

Klassy Lassy
Member Elite
since 2005-06-28
Posts 2187
Oregon
9 posted 2010-11-27 09:47 PM


Amazing how what we do not see or choose to hear lies painful and forever ghostly in a tear.  Stirring and stinging, and very well written!  
Martie
Moderator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-09-21
Posts 28049
California
10 posted 2010-11-27 09:52 PM


Death touches the reality of love, like nothing else.  Well done!
mikeandrew
Member
since 2010-11-18
Posts 198

11 posted 2010-11-28 12:18 PM


very nice flow smooth.
bigthinker8
Junior Member
since 2010-11-22
Posts 19
Chicago Il
12 posted 2010-11-28 10:41 AM


I've recently experienced the same, sadly.

I never thought you'd be a thieve.
Your life - a war could not be won.

I "know" these lines.

Thank you

Prasad Nataraj
Senior Member
since 2008-05-29
Posts 1149
Bangalore,India
13 posted 2010-11-29 01:13 AM


Rileigh, this is straight to the heart. Been there, I can say too. Fine writing.

"Hardwork pays in the long run"

Alison
Deputy Moderator 5 ToursDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
14 posted 2010-12-03 12:11 PM


Rileigh,

So much power in this poem.  I am so glad that I read it again.

xoxoxo
Alison

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