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Open Poetry #46
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Dont Ask, Dont Tell
| Open Poetry #46 |
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Dont Ask, Dont Tell |
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Jaki H Member
since 2008-01-19
Posts 232NJ, USA |
I literally just wrote this about two minutes ago after being enraged my the unfortunate fate of a friend... tell me what you think. honestly please! -Jaki H ------------------------------- Dont Ask, Dont Tell If you don’t ask, I wont tell I wont speak of the things I’ve seen the blood, the war, and the brittle snaps of bones from an M-62 If you don’t ask, I will take Iraq to the grave Just as I buried my memories of love But don’t you come complaining with stories of cheating wives and breaking families, as if your stories are better than mine parading around with manly struts, shouting that you gave her everything because you damn well know that’s a lie I saw her crumple to the ground as she watched her love deploy I saw the letters from home crumpled on your rucksack, unanswered and you dare wonder why she left? We both fight for freedom, you had the freedom to love yet you tossed it aside like yesterday’s news from the frontlines oh don’t you come crying to me! at the end of the day, you still had someone to love at the end of the day, your wife left you because you left her first I left mine to fight for false freedom with strings so don’t you come complaining, no Sir if I don’t ask, you don’t tell |
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| © Copyright 2010 Jacqueline M. H. - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Amaryllis Senior Member
since 2010-05-20
Posts 1306Mi now |
Wrenching, raw... wonderful writing, especially off-the-cuff! Sometimes a powerful poem can spring from a heated moment. I also appreciated your twist on `Don`t ask, Don`t tell.` Well done |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
You asked me to be honest, and I'll tell you truth-- in the nightmares of war, this might be a feebled thing--some minored quibbled lessoning, But..."don't ask, don't tell" is an unnecessary propellant of anxiety to quite a lot of our honored men and women serving our country in silent stoicism. I'd like to welcome all of our sisters and brethren home.  |
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Jaki H Member
since 2008-01-19
Posts 232NJ, USA |
thank you for the opinions! im actually totally anti-war by the way.... ^_^ but then again im still a teen so what do i know? *_* |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Great writing for "still a teen", Jaki H. Ida |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Teen or not, you show a wisdom and quality of thought beyond your years. There are plenty who serve our country proudly, despite the inequalities of the system. Keep on writing and speaking out. Peace! "We'll chase them like rats across the tundra." |
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Bastet Member
since 2010-05-07
Posts 246 |
A very effective "dramatic monologue" poem. Bravo for a choice of structure that fits your theme so well. Never having experienced war "up close," I can't really comment on content. But I certainly know what you mean about people complaining about "minor" issues. I think this poem touches a universal human experience. |
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