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Open Poetry #46
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i have a pickle
| Open Poetry #46 |
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i have a pickle |
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Zeigeist Member
since 2009-12-09
Posts 311Michigan 
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i have a pickle i have a pickle i keep it in a jar meant just for pickles. alone in its juice, it sets on my shelf. everyday I wash the dishes and I look at my pickle there alone in its pickle juice world. i have a carrot, i put it in the pickle jar because there was room and I didn’t have a carrot jar. the pickle and the carrot, together in the jar. all was good and for many years I enjoyed my jar on the shelf. one day, very unexpectedly and for no apparent reason the ground shook as it sometimes does. my pickle/carrot jar came smashing down from the shelf that had held it for so long. i tried to save my pickle and my carrot. i laid them side by side there on the counter. i had no more jar to hold them together. because of their years together, they were both tainted with the each other. i threw them away. Zeitgeist |
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| © Copyright 2010 Zeigeist - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
I found this poem to be a little different than what I expect from you, but that's very good, I really like it!  I've read it a few times and this is just my opinion only,so please don't get offended if I've misinterpreted what you meant while writing this poem. I read this poem as the pickle/carrot being used as clever images representing 2 lovers with an onlooker looking in, though still being affected emotionally (and perhaps the onlooker could be one of the lovers telling of his/her experience as the pickle or carrot using imagery for a powerhouse effect?). Correct me if I'm wrong, but after my recent breakup that echoes what happened to the pickle/carrot, I relate to your poem in a strong emotional way, which is good to your poetic credit. Oftentimes so many mismatched couples suffer this, their entirety varies widely and they can't find common ground on which to maintain compatibility, things are good for many years, yes, but then the ground shakes and their "shelf" cannot withstand the glass that protects them for a time - they are like the pickle/carrot....because everyone knows that pickles and carrots don't go well together, but "the onlooker" put them together anyway and tried to make it work, especially since the pickle was alone for so long and would accept the carrot coming into it's world. "because of their years together, they were both tainted with the each other." I love the last few lines, very powerful and how true!!! The pickle/carrot...2 lovers may be completely different and mismatched BUT because they were together for so many years, they take on each others essence and are tainted by both good and bad aspects, especially since the end is unexpected and abrupt. I have a feeling that others will read your poem and perhaps take your message differently than how I perceive it, but your poem touched me and had a strong impact on me I'd be embarrassed if you or other poets thought my reply was way too overanalytical or totally incorrect LOLSo please forgive me for my lengthy reply LOL Your poem just struck a chord in me and I'm hoping you appreciate the effect it had on me |
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Andrew Scott Member Elite
since 1999-06-24
Posts 2558Redlands,CA,USA |
Zeigeist: You had me laughing at first, but then I noticed a change and things became a little more serious. I have to agree with Honeybee, as I had a very similar feel from this one. If, indeed, this was your intent, I must say you did a most excellent job. If not, well it was still an excellent write. The ending was very matter of fact and abrupt, perfect for the feel. I bow to you and yours. "We'll chase them like rats across the tundra." |
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Earl Brinkman Senior Member
since 2010-03-03
Posts 1183Osaka, Japan |
This was highly original and a good read. |
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ThisDiamond Member Rara Avis
since 2002-02-22
Posts 9353Michigan, USA |
Extremely clever in the way the sensitivity of these thoughts were expressed. |
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Zeigeist Member
since 2009-12-09
Posts 311Michigan |
Honeybee, Thank you very much for sharing your thoughts about my poem "i have a pickle". I too am going through what you are. I ALWAYS appreciate when people share with me that my poem touched them. It is the reason I share my poetry here at PIP. Your understanding of this poem is spot on Honeybee. LOL its like you were looking over my shoulder during it's creation. I couldn't explain it better than you did in your reply. Most of my writings deal with the unspoken dynamics that exist in the relationships between people. In the writing of this poem I challenged myself to portray a union without using any of the more tradional techniques. I was eating a pickle at the time I was brainstorming for this piece. and well..."i have a pickle" is what I ended up with. Thanks again for your replies. Zeitgeist. |
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Zeigeist Member
since 2009-12-09
Posts 311Michigan |
Andrew and Earl, Thank you both for your words of praise. I wasn't sure if this poem would recieve even one reply lol. The kind words from the poets such as you two, here at PIP, really encourage me to keep putting this stuff into words. Thanks for that. Zeitgeist |
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Zeigeist Member
since 2009-12-09
Posts 311Michigan |
Thank you TD, Your kind words are as always held dear to me. Zeitgeist |
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Honeybee Member Ascendant
since 1999-12-26
Posts 5372Ontario, CANADA |
Zeigeist...whew! what a relief that I *understood* your words correctly LOL For some odd reason, I felt selfish that I automatically assumed that it related to my situation as if I had a one-track mind LOL Yet again, a truly excellent poem, very hard-hitting and clever and unique images! |
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Namyh Senior Member
since 2009-01-20
Posts 988 |
Zeitgeist - I liked the creativity that went into this. We poets are like lens thru which so many others look into our created works for a path, a belief or a question. But it takes the poet's pen to project the image that may supply an answer on the other side of that lens. Nicely done Zeitgest. Namyh |
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Bec Member
since 2001-02-23
Posts 475Canberra |
I must admit I saw it a little differently... "the pickle and the carrot, together in the jar. all was good and for many years I enjoyed my jar on the shelf." It seemed like humanity and equality to me. But I do also see HoneyBee's take on it, of course Either way, a lovely read. I did giggle a little at the start (It was the title that got me curious), but then it became more serious as the story unfolded. Wonderful! Bec "I'm not crazy I'm just a little unwell"~ Matchbox 20 |
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo Zeigeist, Your strange misuse of the first person singular personal pronoun puts this effort firmly in the loser’s column. Bobby |
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Zeigeist Member
since 2009-12-09
Posts 311Michigan |
Thanks for the reply Bec. yeah I thought that title might get that reaction. lol Zeitgeist. |
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Zeigeist Member
since 2009-12-09
Posts 311Michigan |
Yo Bobby, thanks for the input. Z. |
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