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Open Poetry #46
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Fish With Glowing Skin.
| Open Poetry #46 |
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Fish With Glowing Skin. |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. 
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I spit on the ground and it turned the world blue mile by mile we all grew gills and breathed the oxygen that was always there in this sea of sadness and tears I bellowed bad things to you from under and inside the deep blue, but nothing came from my mouth nothing came but bubbles and dulled noise floating up towards the surface I swam into the black away from you, and everything I love to remember waiting to be consumed by fish with glowing skin. ________________________ I haven't been writing much lately. Paul Fall in love early, fall in love often. [This message has been edited by viking_metal (04-16-2010 03:12 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2010 Paul Weisbrod - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Robert E. Jordan Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-25
Posts 8541Philadelphia, Pennsylvania |
Yo Paul, This is a fun read. I'd avoid the two "everything you"s in a row. Bobby |
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Lorelei1954 New Member
since 2010-04-15
Posts 4Clarksburg, MD |
Paul One read was not enough for me to appreciate this poem. I had to read it several times, and each time the poem seemed to tighten up better and better. In the end, I like this poem now orders of magnitude more than the first time thru. This is not a criticism, but rather an acknowledgement that this poem was not meant to be consumed qquickly then forgotten. Well done, Paul. |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Thanks Bobby. Wow! Thank you, Lorelei. I am glad you liked it, and appreciate your kind words.  Fall in love early, fall in love often. |
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steavenr Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058 |
I keep reading this hoping that I will garner a better understanding, and though I fear I have failed in that quest, I find myself liking this more and more...especially your ending...well written, thanks for sharing |
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
This was great! -Juju |
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passing shadows Member Empyrean
since 1999-08-26
Posts 45577displaced |
hmmm I dunno about the spit thing but I haven't been writing much lately either |
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Pilgrimage Member Elite
since 2001-12-04
Posts 3945Texas, USA |
Very effective ending. I could see it, and feel it. Well done. Nan (Pilgrim variety) |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Wow, thanks everyone! I haven't been on here much lately... Coming to all kind replies was nice. Fall in love early, fall in love often. |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Okay, I gotta ask. What were you drinking? Seriously, I loved this because of the imagination that you showed. I think that is one reason that I do love your poetry. I like seeing the world through your eyes and I like feeling emotion through your heart. This is definitely a "Paul poem" - and it has my seal of approval on it  Lova ya, friend of mine Ali Tu-Tu |
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Earl Brinkman Senior Member
since 2010-03-03
Posts 1183Osaka, Japan |
I like your writing when it is at its most quirky and original. |
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viking_metal Senior Member
since 2007-02-02
Posts 1337In a Jeep, Minnesota. |
Ali-toot-toot. thank you very much. I am glad you liked it! way to resurrect! Thanks Earl! Fall in love early, fall in love often. |
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