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Open Poetry #46
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2010-03-03 05:01 AM


I am too cold to give to these
seeds
you plant with circumstance:
a poker
and a digging need
to distract yourselves with dance--

watch me as I cling the pole

listen

as I sing the creed

tra-la-la

I suck the greed:
the grit
of all the damned berries
withered on the vine

as you

fold me

into cream...

You'll die with me come Fall.

© Copyright 2010 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
Earl Brinkman
Senior Member
since 2010-03-03
Posts 1183
Osaka, Japan
1 posted 2010-03-03 06:02 AM


I found the piece intriguing as you dragged me along with your words.  The ending however left me puzzled becaused it seemed tagged on and forced.  
Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
2 posted 2010-03-03 11:21 AM


Captivating in its enigmatic essence.

Love,
Margherita

gilead
Senior Member
since 2008-03-10
Posts 1067
nevada, USA
3 posted 2010-03-03 11:40 AM


The title suggests to me a not so subtle sense of disdain! I can see this as an expanded metaphor, that has in parallel, the idea of the blooming vegetation in spring, and the seeds of desire planted in the heart. But like reading Wallace Stevens, I don't try to explicate every line, but can read a poem for the sheer enjoyment of how it resonates in the mind. So, let me avoid too much conjecture, and sit back and let the poem speak to me. ---Art
serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

4 posted 2010-03-03 02:53 PM


It's less enigmatic if you know the culture of where I live... And I'm happy that the last line seemed forced--I just wish it had more impact--it would make more sense in my mind if came across as a vicious slap outta nowhere. <--ah, enigma! *grins*

And I wrote this just before I hopped in bed with Dylan Thomas--and I realize--I totally suck at writing poetry. But thanks for indulging me!

Love to all!

Alison
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Member Rara Avis
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!
5 posted 2010-03-07 12:56 PM


Dylan sleeps with you too?

I enjoy your poetry - I just follow the words and think things.  

A

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