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viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

0 posted 2010-01-30 02:27 AM

You were the coffee,
and I filtered all the things
I couldn't stand to taste or chew,
see in the bottom of my foam cup.
because you were beautiful
and had deep eyes

You were the tobacco,
letting some guy burn you down
just to get a buzz.
I tried to catch you inside myself
but only managed to grab your attention
for a short span of time;

Before I was flicked into the wind.

____________________________________________

Fall in love early, fall in love often.

Helen Gabelli
New Member

since 2010-01-29

Posts 3

1 posted 2010-01-30 07:37 AM

I was impressed with your description of getting blown or flicked away. That is indeed how some will treat a person they
don't much care for. I realized that people are often flicked out of someone's life like a burned out cigarette,

Were you talking about the dark grounds in the bottom of the foam cup?

Helen

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

2 posted 2010-01-30 09:01 AM

Helen, Thank you! Yes, I was talking about grounds in the bottom of a cup. I am glad you liked it.

Fall in love early, fall in love often.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

3 posted 2010-01-30 01:40 PM

this one packs some punch to it...

really like this one Paul

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

4 posted 2010-01-30 02:58 PM

thanks.

Fall in love early, fall in love often.

wicked
Junior Member

since 2010-01-29

Posts 22
Florida, USA

5 posted 2010-01-30 07:34 PM

I love the simplicity of this one. You relate love to everyday things, and that really puts it in perspective. Beautiful ending too.

I am that I am,
And that makes it me.
I float like a rock
But I sting like a bee.

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

6 posted 2010-01-31 12:40 PM

Thanks, wicked.

I am glad you liked it, and thank you for your thoughts!

Fall in love early, fall in love often.

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

7 posted 2010-01-31 01:12 AM

Paul,

Anyone who writes like you do can't be flicked off too easily. Your poetry keeps you from being a coward. Or something like that. I know what I mean anyway.

A

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

8 posted 2010-01-31 02:25 AM

One can't go around handing pretty girls poems. it freaks them out, makes them think you're a stalker, i'm sure.

Fall in love early, fall in love often.

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

9 posted 2010-01-31 04:55 PM

Ummm, yeah, I can kind of see a problem with that. Ya know?

A

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

10 posted 2010-01-31 09:19 PM

I know.

Fall in love early, fall in love often.

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

11 posted 2010-02-14 11:29 PM

You could always turn your poetry into paper airplanes and go from there. It's not the same as stalking them, right? I think I might be charmed if a poem soared into my basket of peanuts at a bar.

A

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

12 posted 2010-02-15 12:00 PM

This is a fantastic piece of work. Users only use because they can. Remember that. keep healthy.

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

13 posted 2010-02-15 12:20 PM

Alison, I'll be sure to keep that in mind

Juju, thank you so very much. I agree, but I must add that users are lame. Totally lame.

Fall in love early, fall in love often.

Honeybee
Member Ascendant

since 1999-12-26

Posts 5372
Ontario, CANADA

14 posted 2010-03-15 11:33 PM

One of the best poems I've read lately......I love the imagery you've used, not cliche at all, but clever comparisons, and the ending is powerful....

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

15 posted 2010-03-16 12:37 PM

Why thank you, for looking at this older poem.

Your kind words are much appreciated! I am glad you liked it, and I am flattered. Truly.

Fall in love early, fall in love often.

passing shadows
Member Empyrean

since 1999-08-26

Posts 45577
displaced

16 posted 2010-03-16 01:04 AM

wow

2islander2
Member Ascendant

since 2008-03-12

Posts 6825
by the sea

17 posted 2010-03-16 09:14 AM

Hello VM; I like the poem, the story of the poem, gone with the wind, the coffee and tobacco are good choices, precise subjects and controversial models....the poem is vivid and empressive...
regards

yann

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

18 posted 2010-03-16 11:24 AM

PS.... Thanks.

Glad you liked it.

Yann... Thank you for the in-depth reply! You rule. I'm glad you liked this.

Fall in love early, fall in love often.

Earl Brinkman
Senior Member

since 2010-03-03

Posts 1183
Osaka, Japan

19 posted 2010-03-17 08:40 AM

Nothing new to say from me except that I thought that the line about being discarded like a cigarette was clever. This was a worthy read.

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

20 posted 2010-03-17 08:48 AM

Thanks Earl.

Fall in love early, fall in love often.

Chalmette Guy
Senior Member

since 2009-03-11

Posts 1257
Louisiana

21 posted 2010-03-17 08:56 AM

Paul, I missed this one the first go around.
I'm glad it got brought back up.
You are excellent at this style of finding new and clever imagery in everyday things to explain the beauty in love or relationships.
You make it seem effortless.

viking_metal
Senior Member

since 2007-02-02

Posts 1337
In a Jeep, Minnesota.

22 posted 2010-03-18 12:23 PM

thanks, my man. that has weight to it, coming from you.

Fall in love early, fall in love often.

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