Wistful moods are discerning on wintry days, for me.
Briskly collecting deep quiet thoughts of you.
Collecting thoughts of where you might be today,
or, thoughts that you too, might remember me…
I truly miss those wintry days with you.
Though now, they are cold shadows of ghost.
Ghost whispering wintry windy songs.
Leaving their frosty – breath on my windowpane,
and coercing the drifting snow against my doorpost.
Windy ghost, conjuring-up memories,
memories long past,
a time now, forever gone…
Just now, I envisioned us ice-skating on that frozen pond.
That abandoned pond, just outside town.
I often wonder if you remember:
We first ice-skated there, you and I.
I spent several days on my own, learning to ice-skate there,
cold days, all alone.
I learned that way, so you would never see me fall –
Not fail in anything, in whatever I would do.
And I knew how you would respond when I truly surprised you…
A sweet hug, a kiss on my cheek, that cute laugh of yours, and
an almost whispered: “JL”,
as only you could say…
I did look forward to that, in my own mixed-up way,
I do very much miss that too…
Oh, I knew how to contrive ways to pull your attention to me,
my mind so filled with obnoxious, immature jealousies.
I was so in love with you, but I just didn’t know how,
how to be in love with you:
My heart echoed: ‘look at me – look at me.’
Such heartfelt desire to be yours, with no apologies.
Wanting to put you in my back pocket, keeping you with me always,
having all of you just for me…
But you could not have known my true intentions.
The way I was then, so obscure, with my splintered emotions.
I thought you might perceive me as pathetic or weak spirited.
So my soft words were tied into knots, and cultivated with the weeds.
Yet, inscribed on furrowed parchment within my heart,
hidden there, silently established…
I could spend my entire day
with these wistful moods examining them with care…
Wistful moods for wintry days, warming thoughts,
comforting moods, abating this wintry air.
Sitting here staring out my window
watching these apparitions of days past,
ghost, playing in the snow…
I pray that someday, to you they may take wing:
Delivering my dreams,
wrapped in my heart’s parchment and pen,
so that you too,
I often think of you
In the summer, spring, and the fall,
But most of all in wintry, wistful moods…
Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself.