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Passions in Poetry

candyfloss

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naturegirl
Member
since 09-30-2009
Posts 168
England


0 posted 01-09-2012 08:02 PM       View Profile for naturegirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to Submit your Poem to Passions  View IP for naturegirl


heart drops stone-like.
candyfloss and cottonwool
inside my head. I hear
your mouth move, spewing
decayed petals, spinning slowly
to the ground. A parody
of once cherished love,
fading fast. My feet
return to cold clay.
© Copyright 2012 julie graham - All Rights Reserved
ice
Member Elite
since 05-17-2003
Posts 3059
Pennsylvania


1 posted 01-09-2012 08:27 PM       View Profile for ice   Email ice   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for ice

"candyfloss" is called cotton candy here in the U.S., nature girl.

Anyway you say it, to have it spining around inside your head is a sticky mess.

As well as is "A parody of once cherished love", and feet return (ing) to cold clay"
JerryPat2
Member Rara Avis
since 02-06-2011
Posts 9592
South Louisiana


2 posted 01-09-2012 08:29 PM       View Profile for JerryPat2   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit JerryPat2's Home Page   View IP for JerryPat2

Ice said all that needed to be said, I bow to greatness . . .

~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~

naturegirl
Member
since 09-30-2009
Posts 168
England


3 posted 01-09-2012 09:05 PM       View Profile for naturegirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for naturegirl

candy floss and presumably cotton candy is sickly sweet and cotton wool muffles conveying disorientation, hence, I hear your mouth move. the decayed petals are spinning slowly to the ground - it is they that are a parody of once cherished love. My feet return to cold clay because there is no ongoing metamorphis.sorry to disappoint gentlemen.
tracie66
Member Elite
since 01-18-2000
Posts 4587
Victoria, Australia


4 posted 01-10-2012 05:08 AM       View Profile for tracie66   Email tracie66   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems   Click to visit tracie66's Home Page   View IP for tracie66

this is good.
JL
Member Ascendant
since 04-01-2004
Posts 5938
Texas, USA


5 posted 01-10-2012 07:04 PM       View Profile for JL   Email JL   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for JL

"A parody
of once cherished love,
fading fast. My feet
return to cold clay."

Ouch...
So much said in so few words.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Maranatha!

jwesley
Member Ascendant
since 04-30-2000
Posts 6414
Texas . . .


6 posted 01-10-2012 07:31 PM       View Profile for jwesley   Email jwesley   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for jwesley

makes perfect sense to me - whatever you said!

Actually, enjoyed the read, my friend...comments too...

j.
naturegirl
Member
since 09-30-2009
Posts 168
England


7 posted 01-11-2012 11:15 AM       View Profile for naturegirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for naturegirl

yes - think I was having a bad hair day! strange how things seem so much better when you've outed them? don't know how i coped before I discovered PiP.thanks all.x
Michael
Moderator
Member Ascendant
since 08-13-99
Posts 6333
California


8 posted 01-11-2012 04:39 PM       View Profile for Michael   Email Michael   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for Michael

you say a lot with very few words...  I could see, and hear, the petals falling.  Beautifully done.

Michael
twistedpup
Member
since 02-25-2011
Posts 114


9 posted 01-15-2012 02:22 PM       View Profile for twistedpup   Email twistedpup   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for twistedpup

The title actually is what captured my attention.
Your poem is well written, so much said with so few word, that i agree with.
Keep writing.

*hugs*

EmmaRose
Senior Member
since 03-02-2011
Posts 843
Midwest


10 posted 01-15-2012 03:57 PM       View Profile for EmmaRose   Email EmmaRose   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for EmmaRose

feeling the chill CF
very effective
naturegirl
Member
since 09-30-2009
Posts 168
England


11 posted 01-18-2012 07:38 PM       View Profile for naturegirl   Edit/Delete Message      Find Poems  View IP for naturegirl

Thanks all you are very kind.much appreciation for your comments.x
 
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