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Open Poetry #47
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Nicole
Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835
Florida

0 posted 2011-12-30 09:06 PM


there is an ache; here
a subjugation
and i did not know that it would be like this,
some slow slide through the lipstick smears.
time heals everything, but what of
the hollow stone
the cold dust trails; an adytum,
a cathedral
an empty, wretched place.
and there is me, and the incessant clambering
a clumsiness reserved for the mataphorical tragedies.
a bleating sheep
the salt water foams at my feet, and all that is
left are the sharp notes
in my wake


© Copyright 2011 Nicole Williams - All Rights Reserved
JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
1 posted 2011-12-30 09:25 PM


Hey! Yea! I used "adytum" in something I write recently, glad to see the word is still out there and being used, it's such a groovy (groovy?) word.

Loved the poem. We do like to beat up on ourselves in our autobiographical(?) poetry don't we. I don't so much anymore since I have found love.

Really liked this . . .

"some slow slide through the lipstick smears.
time heals everything, but what of"

~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways. ~*~

bel1e
Senior Member
since 2006-07-24
Posts 1631

2 posted 2011-12-30 09:51 PM


oh my...it IS a groovy word...as is the poem, Nicole....much enjoyed~*~

             

JL
Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128
Texas, USA
3 posted 2011-12-30 10:00 PM


Nicole:
Oh if sadness could bleed this would be in red.
If tragedy could sing this would be tambourines bass drums and saxophones.
“The Hollow” reminds me of a funeral I witnessed on the streets of New Orleans when I was younger.  This has the same emotional effect, not to say that is what you intended, but as I was reading the memories came back.
Really enjoy the way you can display poetry.  This was gripping.
Sorry to relate it to a funeral.

JL

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Maranatha!

Nicole
Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835
Florida
4 posted 2011-12-30 11:04 PM


haha Jerry... I thought you might see that.  Groovy, indeed.   You got it stuck in the grey matter.  I am a classic masochist w/ the autobiographical poetry, yes.  Thank you for being there for my musings.

Belle - Right?     Thank you

JL - It's okay to compare it to a funeral; what you touched on is what I often write with...emotions.  I'm not very good at storytelling, so I just go for the gut.  It's always cathartic in some way.  Thank you for sharing that emotion with me.  Your reply is musical and I do so appreciate it.

Goldenrose
Member Elite
since 2003-05-30
Posts 3665

5 posted 2011-12-31 08:06 AM


There is a whispering mantra being uttered between the words and deep beneath the written line here, the whisper undoubtedly says love, but it is said almost in reverence and placed upon a sunlit socle....

enjoyed the metaphor and devoted beauty of this poem...thank you for sharing....

Friendship is Love without his wings. Lord Byron.

Nicole
Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835
Florida
6 posted 2011-12-31 08:20 AM


Goldenrose - I am so pleased that you heard that, in this.  Something placed on a sunlit socle, indeed.     Thank you
Dark Stranger
Member Patricius
since 2001-03-19
Posts 13631
West Coast
7 posted 2011-12-31 08:36 AM


Ms Nicole...lipstick sounds as the mouth opens to whisper here...enjoyed your whet pen
jwesley
Member Rara Avis
since 2000-04-30
Posts 7563
Spring, Texas
8 posted 2011-12-31 10:33 AM


Really enjoyed your write, my friend...and the comments almost as much...

j.

Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666
California
9 posted 2011-12-31 05:01 PM


Metaphorical tragedies can be just that… tragic.  I do not suggest reserving them ahead of time.  I’ve read this twice and have pictured the hollow stone as an altar, and as your heart, and neither perception may be right but both leave a fantastic image in my mind.  Your clamoring is beautiful.

Michael

Nicole
Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835
Florida
10 posted 2012-01-01 05:15 PM


D - Thank you sir, my pleasure

j - Aren't they lovely?  As is yours, thank you

Michael - I do that, don't I?  /smile After all of these years, I dare say you know me well enough to know the accuracy of your perception of what I write.  Thank you, hon

Marchmadness
Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271
So. El Monte, California
11 posted 2012-01-08 02:51 PM


Oops, missed this one. Glad I found it.
                                Ida

ice
Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404
Pennsylvania
12 posted 2012-01-08 03:13 PM


A deeply intense, personal poem,

An autobiography of sorts, with sounds of inner thoughts
Brought to the surface of a hollow, ridged with words.

Within the adytum, she can only freely speak,and not so in public.

Where she bleats like a sheep, and yet she is no follower,
Rising from the depths like Venus
She rises on songs, sung on the edges of the hollow.



Nicole
Senior Member
since 1999-06-23
Posts 1835
Florida
13 posted 2012-01-09 06:16 AM


Ida, you are a dear.     (hugs)

ice, very...very intuitive.  your replies are so lovely...  

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