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Nocturnal Pulse
Member

since 2010-08-12

Posts 84
Australia

0 posted 2011-12-27 11:40 AM

With a couple’ needles
Over malign eyes
She sewed it shut
Zip, tie and cut, she left it up

Her dreams earned no respect
Torched and burnt like a cigarette
While her eyes sold the songs
A ballad written in ellipses
The men looking for kisses
A nefarious night wore on

Along came a tall, dark foe
That she adored and doted on
But all that pining
Shoulda’ not met smiling
Cause’ he strung her along

With a callous shake
And a wicked sneer
He said to her
The Reaper can dance
And he can shadow your stance
But I’ll leave you for good

Through her languid lens
There’s a bored sense
That it’s another end
Coffee spilt and her narrative spent

Nicole
Senior Member

since 1999-06-23

Posts 1835
Florida

1 posted 2011-12-27 12:26 PM

I swear I've read you somewhere before. You have a very distinct voice; I just can't place it. (Maybe I'm imagining things) This made me think of a barmaid, or someone who has seen a whole lot of the same game. I especially enjoy the last stanza.

Nocturnal Pulse
Member

since 2010-08-12

Posts 84
Australia

2 posted 2011-12-27 12:34 PM

You may indeed be imagining it Nicole, haha.
The inspiration for most of this was a barmaid, actually - how peculiar : P

Thanks for your praise, I've often admired your writing too.

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

3 posted 2011-12-27 01:36 PM

I'll never forget composing a poem for a barmaid in a dive in Bossier City, Louisiana ages ago. She was so taken with it I have a feeling if she's still alive she still has it.

I did very much like this poem. It is my kind of down in the trenches dirty and hellish. Not that you wrote it dirty and hellish, you simply wrote about dirty and hellish in a very cool way.

You have two choices in life:
You can stay single and be miserable,
or get married and wish you were dead.

Alison

Member Rara Avis

since 2008-01-27

Posts 9318
Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy!

4 posted 2011-12-27 05:42 PM

Hi Shane

I first came to read your poem because of the title. I miss cigarettes with my coffee. I came back because I thought the poem was interesting.

Thank you for sharing it.

Alison

Nocturnal Pulse
Member

since 2010-08-12

Posts 84
Australia

5 posted 2011-12-27 06:16 PM

Thank you Alison and Jerry, it's a bit of an unusual poem i'll admit, haha.

JL
Member Ascendant

since 2004-04-01

Posts 6128
Texas, USA

6 posted 2011-12-27 11:52 PM

This is absolutely delightful!
I think I was sitting there watching you.
You style distinctly pulls in the reader.

JL

Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Maranatha!

Nocturnal Pulse
Member

since 2010-08-12

Posts 84
Australia

7 posted 2012-01-04 11:40 AM

Thanks JL, hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it.

sorry for the late reply, I've been without internet for a few days. I know, no internet . . . the horror!

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