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Open Poetry #47
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The One That Got Away
| Open Poetry #47 |
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The One That Got Away |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana 
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Spurned, my love flopped like a fish on the shore Unwilling to die, but wanted no more I kept nurturing while it gasped for breath Willed it to live when it pleaded for death Love had defined me and facing its loss Would force me to admit the awful cost Loving a man such as you wrung from me I couldn't toss hope into the debris But fish can only gulp air for so long Vision cleared - I saw devotion was wrong I'm disenchanted as I'll ever get And now I just wish that we'd never met That was such a lovely lure you dangled But our lives at last are disentangled I think you went fishing on a mere whim I'm wearing hook's scars, but I'm free to swim |
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| © Copyright 2011 suthern - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
This, my dear, is one of the best, if not the best poems of love's end I have ever read. Fantastic! You wrote it, you had to have meant it, go forward now, not forgetting lessons learned. Amazing poetry, my friend. ~*~ If they give you lined paper, write sideways ~*~ [This message has been edited by JerryPat2 (11-17-2011 07:09 PM).] |
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Balladeer
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-05
Posts 25505Ft. Lauderdale, Fl USA |
I warned you about that rascal! He had you floppin' for years...and now look at the damage. Curse you, Toerag!!  |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
Giant hugs  for you suthern...Hope you move on as soon as you can. The sea is full of fishes... JL  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself. |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Jerry: Some lessons are definitely unforgettable! LOL Thank you very much... I'm glad you liked! Balladeer: No, no, no, no, NO!!!! LOL You know that sweet Toe is a prince among men... and whatever floppin' he may have caused is simply my lack of coordination in doing cartwheels of glee to be in his company! LOL I'm forever in that man's fan club and honored to be there! LOL But, darn it all, he does have this nasty habit of disappearing... and my attention has occasionally wandered from his perfection... to my sorrow and chagrin! LOL JL: I guess I should add that my poems usually lag WAY behind events... the moving on is long done... I've been swimming so long I'm growing scales! LOL But I'll gladly take the hugs... thank you very much!! |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
OK One of these too  JL  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself. |
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Michael
Moderator
Member Rara Avis
since 1999-08-13
Posts 7666California |
I know the scars of love run deep... I know how easy it is to chase the lure... to need that hook. Recognizing you are free, and being willing to swim are strengths I have yet to exhibit. Thank you for the inspiration, even if you didn't exactly mean it that way... Michael |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
Dear Ruth, the comparison of your dying love with a fish gasping for air works so very well. A stunning poetic rendering really! The wish to have never met surfaces sometimes at the end of a story and yet every experience is precious as we evolve into wiser beings and you have loved and that is never ever wrong. Only the clinging is wrong. Brava! Love, Margherita |
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1slick_lady Member Ascendant
since 2000-12-22
Posts 6088standing on a shadow's lace |
"I'm disenchanted as I'll ever get" sad sad sad |
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Earth Angel Member Empyrean
since 2002-08-27
Posts 40215Realms of Light |
Fine metaphorical writing! As they say, there are more fish in the sea! ~ Hopefully better ones! Love you! Linda |
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
my deer suthern woman.... there are far, far too many of those rapscaillions out there... I remember one who first whispered you have bedroom eyes... the fool... you are one fine fish, and if you want a definition of the best fish out there right now, it's the sockeye salmon... ok, that's more info than you want to know... but it is also the most delectable... and that damn fisherman should have realized his catch!  me? I'm roe...and it's not much prized right now.  |
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martiniat8 Senior Member
since 2003-06-21
Posts 897Prague, Bohemia, Czech Republic |
brilliant write, this line especially... "But fish can only gulp air for so long" a very honest touching piece |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
JL: Thank you for both!! LOL Michael: You're most welcome! *S* But if thanks are being offered, I owe you mine for your comments about the ending... it WAS too abrupt and I think the additional 4 lines helped considerably. *S* My muse and I both thank you very much. Margherita: I realize that every experience helps us learn and grow... and memories of past relationships can be treasured, even if things didn't work out. But then, there are some mistakes that really aren't ever anything more than mistakes no matter how much we try to convince ourselves otherwise. *S* Thank you so much for your kind comments! 1slick_lady: That is was, dear lady. *S* Thank you! Earth Angel: Metaphor??? ME???? LOL It was purely accidental... honestly! LOL Thank you, sweet lady! *S* Sunshine: This fine fish thanks you!! *preening* LOL You're right about there being too many fools and rapscall... um... er... jerks out there. LOL But never doubt... you are prized... and ARE a prize! *S* martiniat8: Thank you so very much! |
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Alison
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
What can I say? I wish I did not understand, but I do. Ain't just no line you are casting my way. You speak the truth, my friend. Love you. A |
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suthern
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723Louisiana |
Alison: Thank you, dear friend... I know you know and wish you didn't... but oh, those feathered flies with hidden hooks look so inviting, don't they? LOL |
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