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Open Poetry #47
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Untitled
| Open Poetry #47 |
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Untitled |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
She was so cold her lips turned like the grey matter of the ground the leaves that fell like the christmas carols that rang every year until a new season came to pass Her eyes had never been so empty never did they stare back with such a lull of lowly despair that the grief of the streets could share her silence with the shadows of the trees Her hands were mine to hold they were mine to defend but in haste, in sheer panic I was the man that let her down That let the swan fall so tenderly I could feel the white of her cheeks braze across my face and only then did I realize I was utterly in defeat the one life that could save my own was no longer by my side between the lines, her tender eyes. |
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| © Copyright 2011 Tomer Fried - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Juju Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429In your dreams |
I like this one. Up to the top. Juju |
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serenity blaze Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738 |
Back to the top, in agreement with Juju! I especially loved the first two stanzas--nothing against the rest, but since you welcome commentary, I thought I'd say that those two stood out as a complete poem to my mind's eye. Much enjoyed, and oh. I totally understand the "untitled" thing--I flummox myself (as well as many others)with the same thing. "Titled", maybe? grin I'm just...silly.  |
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JL Member Ascendant
since 2004-04-01
Posts 6128Texas, USA |
"Her hands were mine to hold they were mine to defend but in haste, in sheer panic I was the man that let her down" Um! That's sad, and tough at the same time to realize you had an opportunity, missed. Enjoyed the write! JL  Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul,and with all your mind. Love your neighbor as yourself. |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
Juju - Thanks for taking me back up  ...happy you enjoyedCheers |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
Serenity- Happy you enjoyed the first two stanzas. Yea, sometimes a title seems harder than actually conjuring up a poem. Cheers |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
JL- Life can be sad, can't it? That's what makes it all the more interesting.. Cheers |
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