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Open Poetry #47
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serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738


0 posted 2011-09-10 03:58 AM


Summer streamed rude ribbons
they splayed across the Augustine
reflected in the blades of grass
a warning: I'm Anathema.

I shook the dew off of the sleeve
of my daily newspaper
housed by that Monsanto bleed:

Kenny has killed Kenny!

sigh

I saw it coming. I still wept
with knowledge of the domino's

repercussive-cough-effect...

So I went inside.

I read the news like it was new
knowing my eyes cannot lie
I took upon myself a hood
like the cobra's question mark

erect

and curvature, assured

I'll strike

(as any mother would)

* * *

I watched aware,
sidelined again;
with my right hand across my chest
as I watched another fall.
This one, we lost on July 4th--
In-depend-incense-less-ness.

The faith of parents near and far--
we're-so-lucky-whisperings

bent in solace grief amends

with grateful backs turned to the grave

we clasped our children unto us.

As if the shadow would respect this much:

"Tears are Oshun's children"

*touch*

they take a piece of us away

returning with the tide the bits

as sand of former castlings

and still we dare to greet the day.

* * *

I told no one I cut myself
so I'd produce a sacrifice.
For my children I cut twice
and marked an "x" upon my door...

The frogs, the boils, the flies
we trust
"surely this must be enough"
tossing sage to fire inside

as truffles to a Lord of Lust
of "daily ye must die."

* * *

Another
prompted one more mother
to display her sacrifice.

Spare me Lord, what I have wrought.

Oh grant me Thou, Mercy, Largesse


For one more day?
I'll bend my knee ten thousand times.

I'll cut myself in two's, again,
no better than much better men--
I'm begging for my own children:

I'll die that they might live.

* * * * *



[This message has been edited by serenity blaze (09-10-2011 07:23 AM).]

© Copyright 2011 serenity blaze - All Rights Reserved
OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
1 posted 2011-09-10 04:35 AM


Karen, I don't pretend to understand anything like all of this, though I do believe I understand quite a bit - but most of all I feel its essence.  Your poetry is like - and I know I have said this before, but this is what it evokes for me - the richest, darkest, dampest, most fruit-and-nut-and-brandy-laden most delicious fruit cake, that one takes small bites of at a time to make  it last, and stops talking and breathing to savour every nuance of its taste.  Oh, gosh, now you have me craving fruit cake with huge maraschino cherries and all described above in it - and as I don't have any, I'll have to read your poem again - and after all your poem is way better than the best fruit cake, anyway!  

If anyone were to ask me what I would fear most, I do believe I would say harming one of Serenity Blaze's children. I would rather meet a dozen darling spitting cobras than the ire of Karen protecting her children.  Smiles.  Not meaning to make light of the power or depth of your poem, nor your wonderful self and your rich and sensitive feelings, but, like William Carlos Williams, just had to say.  

Hugs
Owl

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
2 posted 2011-09-10 05:25 AM


This is so profound and complex, that I can't absorb it in its fullness in one read, but I got the core message and of course it hit home.

You are one hell of a Poetess!

Love and peace.
Margherita

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

3 posted 2011-09-10 06:44 AM


A lot of people "passed over" this summer.

This is just my way of--well, forget the rationale--it's just become my way, and I thank you all for the indulgences and kind words.

thank you

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
4 posted 2011-09-10 07:12 AM


(((((Karen)))))

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

5 posted 2011-09-10 07:28 AM


I just...I have to edit.



I'll light a candle for Gibbons, Josephus, and all other historians. Soon.

((((((Margherita & Diana)))))

ice
Member Elite
since 2003-05-17
Posts 3404
Pennsylvania
6 posted 2011-09-10 08:46 AM


Such a thing (a tale) as this can only be told from a feminine viewpoint (my opinion)..what is here is a profound sensuousness...hard life things explained, and yet I read the descriptions without anger, (as I would, I believe, if a man wrote similar words)--a feminine voice leads my mind to mild acceptance.

"Kenny has killed Kenny!"

The change of font, and exclamation, to describe a suicide...(I am assuming) --very effective, and does not call for exclamation other than...Perfect!

"I took upon myself a hood
like the cobra's question mark
erect
and curvature, assured
I'll strike
(as any mother would)

Also perfect!
Now you have taken the scene into a different realm,(nature metaphor) as a poet must to show the interaction of surface impermanence and actions of a related species to the subject..the cobras question mark, the snake, portrayed as evil from the garden 'til now..
And yet, what is it that the mother can strike at?
What is it into,  can she release the venom of situational anger?

Then you take it to a level of myth, to mention the patron protector of orphans , portrayed as tears..I believe you are asking her for protection from the sadness of losing someone, but not really sure, and really don't have to know..I love myths, and you wrote the word "Oshun" and it is effective.

The ritual of grief by cutting is ancient, and odd, or is it?
Certainly, I am not an advocate...and yet, I am not the victim here, and so I, by  prejudice, state that.

Did not the first nation women of the plains, cut their arms in grief when a husband, or  relative died in battle or by disease?

I believe the ritual when used by most moderns, is different than why those plains women used it..which was to feel pain not related to sorrow, (physical) which eased the spirit  pain of grief.

Sorry for rambling this morning, but the poem struck me hard and it eases the pain of working for a week in mud.


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

7 posted 2011-09-10 08:56 AM


If I eased your pain, even a little bit, then I did something good.

I much appreciate your insightful eyes.

ty

And you did it--you followed my little timeline from iconography to a bitty bit of history.

I like feeling understood.

*groovy*


icebox
Member Elite
since 2003-05-03
Posts 4383
in the shadows
8 posted 2011-09-10 09:39 AM


stunning clarity.

"I took upon myself a hood
like the cobra's question mark"

Perfect!


serenity blaze
Member Empyrean
since 2000-02-02
Posts 27738

9 posted 2011-09-10 10:08 AM


Oh Master C.

You do know I love you so much I must hug you gently, right?



Well, yer kinda like huggin' a cat, so yeah.

With long sleeves. I squeeze.

Gotcha! *wink* ty, solemn.

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa
10 posted 2011-09-10 10:24 AM


Thanks for the hugs, Karen.  Prayers for those who have passed and for their families.  Thanks also for the richness of the replies that you evoke from everyone.

Owl

JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
11 posted 2011-09-10 08:35 PM


Taking it to the limit / Your limit / Serenity's limit / Giving most of us fits and chuckles and out and out laughter / Gotta laugh about [stuff - profanity edited by Ron], huh? / Laugh until you cry, that's that way you do it / Take the world upon yourself / Slip upon that Magic Carpet Ride and arrive D.O.A. . . . / Pull a Beetlejuice and twist your head around and go on living . . . Karen, you caused all of this . . . I got carried away, almost didn't post it . . .

~~ The only reason I would take up walking is so that I could hear heavy breathing again. ~~

[This message has been edited by Ron (09-12-2011 02:55 PM).]

suthern
Deputy Moderator 1 TourDeputy Moderator 1 Tour
Member Seraphic
since 1999-07-29
Posts 20723
Louisiana
12 posted 2011-09-12 02:45 PM


I saw it coming. I still wept
with knowledge of the domino's

repercussive-cough-effect...

So I went inside.

I read the news like it was new
knowing my eyes cannot lie
I took upon myself a hood
like the cobra's question mark

erect

and curvature, assured

I'll strike

(as any mother would)

I read this soon after it was posted... and several days later, am still impressed by the power in your words. I could copy many lines... I know you well enough to know that this has many levels beyond the obvious... but the love of mother for child and lengths she'd go to that the child be protected is simply breathtaking.

Juju
Member Elite
since 2003-12-29
Posts 3429
In your dreams
13 posted 2011-09-12 03:03 PM


I really liked this.  There is enough that leaves questions for me to ask. I like it.


Juju

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

latearrival
Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499
Florida
14 posted 2011-09-12 11:56 PM


You must know that I know Oshums' mother.
You have such intellect and empathy. jo

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