The Warping of a Man Living Nine Years in the Mind

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Amberzlynnc
Member

since 2010-08-24

Posts 229
New Jersey

0 posted 2011-07-01 12:47 PM

I saw a photo of him today.
Well, actually I saw a great deal of photos of him today
because once I stumbled upon one,
I had to dig out the photo albums and flip through pages of many.

It’s so foreign now for me to think
that at one point
that stranger staring at me in those photos
meant the world to me.

Nine years older and nine years wiser am I
than I was the last time I touched him.
Since the last time I got a hug,
a kiss on the cheek,
or a phone call.

I’ve missed him for nine years
and I will continue to miss him
for as many more years as I live.
But now I will miss him in a slightly different way.

See, for these past nine years
I have missed the man
that I wish he would be
if he were here.

But if he were here,
I realize that he would not be the man that I dream about.
When I look back in my mind, I see a fun-loving, happy, family man…
But when I look back at the pictures, I see a cold reminder of what was reality.

He loved me,
I’m sure of that.
But he wasn’t ready for the responsibility
of loving me.

Because if he was ready…
If he was REALLY ready
to devote himself to loving me…
than I would have more than just a memory of him today.

I look at those photos
dated ten and twenty years back,
and a force in my chest
sends chills down my spine.

That man created me
with his love for a woman.
But I don’t think he was really ready
for the responsibility of devoting himself
to loving her either.

What he did love was
euphoria, ecstasy, and pleasure
incomparable to anything that couldn’t be placed in a spoon,
dissolved into water,
and injected into his bloodstream.

I’ve known this since I was old enough to understand…
But for some reason I thought that if he was still here,
things would be different.
And maybe they would be…
But I will never get the chance to know,
and that makes a whirl of emotions tear apart my heart.

It was just so strange to see those pictures…
Pictures of a man who looked exactly like I last saw him in person…
But nothing like the man that I’ve seen in my mind
for the past nine years.

*Amber

JerryPat2
Member Laureate

since 2011-02-06

Posts 16975
South Louisiana

1 posted 2011-07-01 02:22 PM

This is about me forty some-odd years ago.

~ Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient. ~

XGarapanX
Senior Member

since 2008-06-19

Posts 1435
Antarctica

2 posted 2011-07-02 10:41 PM

Cuh-Razy

·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`·

XGarapanX
Senior Member

since 2008-06-19

Posts 1435
Antarctica

3 posted 2011-07-02 10:55 PM

Hey Amber, how about friending me on Facebook? I'd make the request but I'm blocked. I'm not in here much but would like to keep in touch with your writing outside this forum.

Poetry con Garapan www.facebook.com.HUAMAILO

·´~`·»Garapan«·´~`·
Friend me on Facebook Poetry con Garapan (Garapan Poetry) www.facebook.com/HUAMAILO

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