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Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

0 posted 2011-05-10 12:49 PM

Graffiti

Do you think
Writing your name upon
A delappitated foundation
Makes you part of what holds
Us all up

Juju

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

[This message has been edited by Juju (05-12-2011 09:16 AM).]

faithmairee
Senior Member

since 2011-01-05

Posts 1441
Poe Haven, USA

1 posted 2011-05-10 04:10 PM

crisp, clever and concise...intriguing piece, Juju...i love it

There must be a poem in here somewhere.

Margherita
Member Seraphic

since 2003-02-08

Posts 22236
Eternity

2 posted 2011-05-11 04:09 AM

quote:
Graffiti

So you think
Writing your name upon
A dilapidated foundation
Makes you part of what holds
Us all up

Your mind is an attractive realm, dear Juju.

Love,
Margherita

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

3 posted 2011-05-11 06:43 PM

I love your work, and the way you think, Juju.

But this one has me pondering that perhaps that could be true...

So I just changed one letter of this one in my mind, and just one letter can change the tone, and the point.

I simply put a question mark behind the whole thing, and erased the ess out of your first word, "so" and put a capital "D" to make it "Do"--which I apologize for, since that's probably not what you were going for, but--that's just for my purposes since I do always consider that ...maybe, it just might could be.

And that's not even a critique--it is perfect as it is, I just tend to suit m'self.

Juju
Member Elite

since 2003-12-29

Posts 3429
In your dreams

4 posted 2011-05-12 09:15 AM

You are correct Serenity, that would be better

thank you every one for reading my stuff (:

Juju

-Juju

-"So you found a girl
Who thinks really deep thoughts
What's so amazing about really deep thoughts " Silent all these Years, Tori Amos

jwesley
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-04-30

Posts 7563
Spring, Texas

5 posted 2011-05-12 10:26 AM

LOL - Absolutely COOL!!!

J.

serenity blaze
Member Empyrean

since 2000-02-02

Posts 27738

6 posted 2011-05-12 04:12 PM

aw...didn't mean to suggest you actually change it, but I do have a fascination with how tone and meaning can be changed with just one letter.

It's an excellent premise you've shared here, brief and thought-provoking.

You are an amazingly lovely young lady, inside and out.

Dark Stranger
Member Patricius

since 2001-03-19

Posts 13631
West Coast

7 posted 2011-05-13 11:35 AM

if my name is faith
or hope...perhaps..

if my name is dirt...then oh hell yes
I know I am what keeps you out of the dark waters

to save the world we need more dirt..

(sorry...just had to go there)

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius

since 2009-10-10

Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

8 posted 2011-05-13 11:48 AM

I like the way you look at things...this is simply great!
Lori

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