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Open Poetry #47
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Small girl from texas
| Open Poetry #47 |
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Small girl from texas |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
She was just a small girl from Texas. Her eyes were blue Like the flags that waved in and around the neighborhood homes Her cheeks so round They resembled the oranges In the brown basket next to the pantry door. She was her mother's first and only, The one that you always remember That first cry, That small little head Laying in your arms Tears and time meeting for one joyous goodbye. She loved the outdoors With her hair penning the thoughts of the sun As it stricken her with its blonde rays Her hands and feet always dirty Always filled with grass. So when you saw her little footprints Riding up the stairs You knew she was safe Trotting around, with her hands in the air. The snake thin grass Surrounded their home The sounds of the wind Swayed along the highway road With her daddy's red truck parked in the front He took each morning to kiss her goodbye Hey angel eyes, I'll see you tonight Those small blue eyes Oh, how they let time ride So vivid in their expression She smiled as they closed. Just a small girl from Texas, Southern creeks, forever by her side [This message has been edited by Tomer (04-11-2011 09:02 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2011 Tomer Fried - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354Listening to every heart |
This reminds me of a Michael Martin Murphy song... as for a comment, it would be GREAT if you could preview your poems to see how they turn out. When you write to a notepad or something that is not equivalent to Word or such, there are typo errors that can [and could] be corrected. If you ever post the same again, and if any moderator or admin can help to alleviate the mistakes, it would be great! Thanks for the memory! |
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dreamgal Member
since 2011-03-17
Posts 442 |
What a charming, endearing piece of poetry. I could see it and got right into the image of it. Really enjoyed it. It reminded my of small town simple life in the summer and the innocence of it all. Dreamgal |
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
A nice slice of life piece of writing here. You wrote this in the past tense, was the little girl dead? "So vivid in their expression She smiled as they closed." Did these lines signify that she had passed away? ~ At the siege of Vienna in 1683 Islam seemed poised to overrun Christian Europe. We are in a new phase of a very old war. ~ |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
Sunshine, happy you enjoyed. Made the correct changes. Thanks for pointing them out. Cheers |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
Thanks, Dream. If only we could hold onto those years for the rest of our lives. |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
Jerry, Thanks, man. It was more of a symbolic undertone to how time has passed. Those years were no longer apart of her. |
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OwlSA Member Rara Avis
since 2005-11-07
Posts 9347Durban, South Africa |
This is stunning. My favourite lines are: She loved the outdoors With her hair penning the thoughts of the sun Tomer, you are a portrait-painter par excellence! Owl |
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naturegirl Member
since 2009-09-30
Posts 168England |
Well I've never been to Texas but this is how I imagine it would be. I love how you brought the character to life and the people around her. Great poem. |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
Thanks, Owl. I'm happy you enjoyed that line in particular. Your kind words are taken to my heart. Cheers |
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Tomer Senior Member
since 2002-06-28
Posts 1168Michigan |
Thanks, Naturegirl. Happy I could bring you to that place. Appreciate the comments. Cheers |
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