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Open Poetry #47
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Something Whooshed........!
| Open Poetry #47 |
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Something Whooshed........! |
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Namyh Senior Member
since 2009-01-20
Posts 988 |
Something whooshed......! On a planet, in a country, in a state, in a town, on a street where a lampost shines and the houses, very warm, quiet dreamers in their sleep like a hush after church bell chimes. Something whooshed...on the wind in the distance. Something galloped in the lime moonlight -and its wings cut the air -into slices of Fear which it tossed in the night with delight. And I shivered with a tremble and began to disassemble with the fright now fused to my bones. -Slices landed on the rooftops, -slid across the treetops and fell down to cartop domes. Out my bed, 'cross the floor, thru a window did I spy down the street from that lamp lurking light, came an eerie fog creeping, 'cross the land was it seeping, into beds and blankets and the sleepers of the night. Then the church bell rang! Clang! Clang! The church bell rang! Clang! Clang! In the cloud came the hoofbeats thumping like heartbeats pulsing to a blood-beat time, -as the whoosh of its wing flaps -turned cold my blood saps freezing in the vessels of my mind. Fog seeped at a fast creep crossing onto my street's curb over lawn, more and more -while sliding past the fireplace, -creeping up the staircase, thumping down the hall to my door. Some human headed hoofed thing, half bull-half wing, eyes froze in fire flicking flames, -just reached out from the mist, -grabbed me by my arm and wrist and pulled me, screaming, in the fog in pain. I jolted from this nightmare, awake and free of frightmares, gasping for some air or wake-up push. -Rushed to my window just to breathe. -The night air filled my lungs with ease when eyes and head turned left.......and Something whooshed ! Namyh |
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| © Copyright 2011 Namyh - All Rights Reserved | |||
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JerryPat2 Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975South Louisiana |
Oh, my dear, Poe is smiling tonight at the fright you have caused by this terrifying piece of literary mayhem. This was done so eloquently, yet so foreboding it is a thing of pure beauty. You, my friend, have a winner here. Stand. Curtsy. Take a bow. Clap. Clap. Clap. ~ Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway? ~ |
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faithmairee Senior Member
since 2011-01-05
Posts 1441Poe Haven, USA |
i second it...this gave me a chill down my spine...very eerie and wonderfully written...great poem There must be a poem in here somewhere. |
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BluesSerenade Member Patricius
since 2001-10-23
Posts 10549By the Seaside |
This was exhilarating, I felt like I was there in your dream, whooshing right along with you. Great story telling~ |
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latearrival Member Ascendant
since 2003-03-21
Posts 5499Florida |
Excellent,exciting and enjoyed! |
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Bastet Member
since 2010-05-07
Posts 246 |
A great story poem with a lot of powerful imagery. Very well expressed and a pleasure to read. |
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Namyh Senior Member
since 2009-01-20
Posts 988 |
JP – I originally went to sleep thinking of an animal love story and woke up in the middle of the night to put this, as you say, “terrifying piece of literary mayhem” to pen. And when the words erupt like that, it’s a far cry from what we sometimes face to create. Poets! Go figure! But it makes my day when you deem it a “thing of pure beauty”. I’m honored. And I’m doubly honored to think that a literary great may be smiling tonight because of it. Thanks JP and thank you Poe wherever you are. Namyh |
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Marchmadness Member Rara Avis
since 2007-09-16
Posts 9271So. El Monte, California |
Delightfully scary and exciting. Excellent writing, Namyh. Ida |
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EmmaRose Senior Member
since 2011-03-02
Posts 1376Midwest |
Very powerful and potent, taking the reader for a ride of thrill , and exhileration! |
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Namyh Senior Member
since 2009-01-20
Posts 988 |
faithmairee – One aim of this work was indeed to inject a chill down the reader’s spine. You have confirmed that its arrow got thru and hit its target. Now you’ve given me the chills of your enjoyment and I don’t want a cure. And from JP’s words, thanks for the “I second it” faithmairee. Namyh |
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Namyh Senior Member
since 2009-01-20
Posts 988 |
BluesSerenade – I thought that was you waving at me as the whoosh went by. It appears that we both survived which makes me very happy. Next time, I think I’ll write about daydreams where the whooshes only get half my fears. I just hope they don’t come back in the evening, in the night, for the other half. Makes a poet proud to put an “exhilarating” in your day as your words put one in mine but with a definite serenade. Namyh |
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Namyh Senior Member
since 2009-01-20
Posts 988 |
latearrival - So very glad you arrived right on time for the excitement and for the enjoyment. Stop in anytime, early or late, for some more and we won’t even put you on the clock but we will indeed keep the lights on for your arrival. Thanks for having fun here. Namyh |
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Namyh Senior Member
since 2009-01-20
Posts 988 |
Bastet – Since we think in pictures, that’s the way I thought best to write this frothing fable of Frankenstein fear so its imagery would pull the reader into it. You should have seen the rewrites on this baby. That you found pleasure in reading it makes this old poet’s bones dance today, and that’s even with the arthritis. Thanks Bastet for stopping in. Namyh |
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Namyh Senior Member
since 2009-01-20
Posts 988 |
Ida – Ahhh Shucks Ida! Now you’ve gone and gotten me all delighted and stuff. And that takes the scary right out of my day. Hey! Now I’m startin’ to feel a lot better. Thanks a lot Ida for having fun and for bringing some fun with ya. Namyh |
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Namyh Senior Member
since 2009-01-20
Posts 988 |
EmmaRose – I added an ounce of “potent”, a tablespoon of “powerful” and one distilled drop of “exhilaration” so you would feel the wind in your hair as this poetic rollercoaster plunged headlong into the Whoosh. I hope you threw your hands up on the way down like I did. You have a free ticket to ride again. Now you’ve put a Rose in my day Emma. Thanks. Namyh |
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Alison 
since 2008-01-27
Posts 9318Lumpy oatmeal makes me crazy! |
Namyh, What a use of words. This is fantastic! Wish I wrote it, as a matter of fact. I loved it all, word, excitement, story. But, I adore this ~ quote: Fine writing. Alison |
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Margherita Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236Eternity |
quote: Incredibly vivid, pushed me to the edge of wanting to scream! You described fear with untold intensity! Love, Margherita |
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Namyh Senior Member
since 2009-01-20
Posts 988 |
Alison - Peculiarly, the first stanza rattled in my head a long time before I wrote it. That was easy, considering the space available. Then like all poets sometimes, I got stuck. Now what else do I write? Then one evening, a TV commercial for the anniversary DVD edition of “E.T.” comes on with the kid on the bike crossing the moon’s light and your quoted phrase was written. The rest is poetic history that jolted from a nightmare. It’s uncanny sometimes from where we poets get our inspirations. Thank you Spielberg wherever you are. Alison, my words salute you. The excitement salutes you. The story salutes you and I assure you I salute you for loving it all. Namyh |
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