144th Birthday. Oh, the Pain.

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Dead End Chase
New Member

since 2009-01-22

Posts 6

0 posted 2011-03-25 12:09 PM

One hundred forty-four
But here I sit — I’m still alive.
A century and four decades gone,
And somehow I survive
Alone and aging by myself,
Gazing in the mirror
Pondering life’s mysteries,
And why I see one here
What have I done to persevere?
Oh, why do I remain?
All is gone. There’s no one left.
Why endure this pain?
But yet I sit in front the mirror,
Just as I’ve always done
Searching for the youth I’ve lost,
And always finding none
My hands?
Just wrinkled maps that lead to moments of my past:
The handshakes, fist fights, bumps and scars,
And loves that didn’t last.
My legs?
Inactive vessels that once carried me around.
Surrendered now to fragile feet
That drag across the ground.
No more sports and no more travels.
No more playground fun.
No more mischief or adventure.
All those days are done.
My ears?
They’re but a locked door
That no longer has a key.
All melodies of song and voice,
Sealed out eternally.
My eyes?
Just floodgates broken steadily by tears and old regrets
A foggy set of waterfalls
As time collects its debts.
Enemies. Family. Friends.
All of them have died
Taken by a final fate
I’ve somehow been denied
Their ashes swirl in my mind.
So do memories lost
Each time I’ve dared to share my heart,
I’ve paid this wretched cost
One hundred forty-four,
But here I sit - and I alone.
My heart?
Its final beating drum still chooses to postpone.
What have I done to persevere?
Oh, why do I remain?
All is gone. There’s no one left.
Just pain. This pain.
This pain.

OwlSA
Member Rara Avis

since 2005-11-07

Posts 9347
Durban, South Africa

1 posted 2011-03-26 02:56 AM

Perhaps in the hopes that you may eventually learn to look for beauty, joy and peace in the moment - and see how much of each there is? And perhaps in the hopes that you may learn to appreciate the others you have lost - not just loves, but friends, aquaintances, enemies and strangers - and realise how you could have found ways to make them happy and inadvertently make yourself happy? And if and when you do both these things, perhaps you will find that there are indeed others still left, for whom to do these things which bring harmony and unity after all? Perhaps the 144th birthday is just a dream, from which you will awake to a future which you, yourself, guide towards the happiness of as many people as you can, and inadvertently, your own? Smiles.

Owl

Sunshine

Administrator

Member Empyrean

since 1999-06-25

Posts 63354
Listening to every heart

2 posted 2011-03-26 10:14 AM

It's good to see and read you again, Andy...
and quite surprisingly, some days I feel like
I'm a 144 too.

And it probably won't be
uncommon in a few decades for people to
really live this long!

Welcome Back!

sasanka7
Junior Member

since 2010-11-17

Posts 30

3 posted 2011-03-26 10:58 AM

Very nicely expressed. It reminds something of the past. Well said.

ethome
Member Patricius

since 2000-05-14

Posts 11858
New Brunswick Canada

4 posted 2011-03-26 12:01 PM

Love the flow to this.
Many wonderful metaphors.
I thoroughly enjoyed the read.
The trouble with 144 is no one precious is about to last with you. Makes for the lonliness you've described here.

Eric

true love never looks after it's own interests

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.