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Open Poetry #47
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Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere

0 posted 2011-03-09 02:30 PM



Water under the bridge
doesn't flow very far
when a beaver's damn
holds it in place
The first felled tree
broke the tranquil
churning water
round it
Snagging passing
debris of thought
into structure
Creating a growing
painful pool
of past

LGR(c)3/9/11

© Copyright 2011 Lori Grosser Rhoden - All Rights Reserved
2islander2
Member Ascendant
since 2008-03-12
Posts 6825
by the sea
1 posted 2011-03-09 02:35 PM


Hi Lori, subtle and excellent images, works so well as a metaphor...Thanks for the beautiful sharing.

yann

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere
2 posted 2011-03-09 02:46 PM


Yann, thank you so much for your generous compliments.
Lori

JerryPat2
Member Laureate
since 2011-02-06
Posts 16975
South Louisiana
3 posted 2011-03-09 03:56 PM


Whoa! Stagnant pool to drown your sorrows in. Leave it to those pesky beavers to make something bad . . . worse.

Like the idea of the falling tree snagging "debris of thought." Such a powerful turn of words.

~ After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles." ~

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere
4 posted 2011-03-09 04:00 PM


Thanks Jerry for your comments, as always good to see you here.
Lori

faithmairee
Senior Member
since 2011-01-05
Posts 1441
Poe Haven, USA
5 posted 2011-03-09 07:56 PM


This is excellent...you packed so much in so few words...very nicely done, Lori!

There must be a poem in here somewhere.

Margherita
Member Seraphic
since 2003-02-08
Posts 22236
Eternity
6 posted 2011-03-10 09:09 AM


Great imagery in this, dear Lori. The "pool" is ok, but we must make it less painful, by allowing a process of "evaporation"

Love,
Margherita

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere
7 posted 2011-03-10 02:10 PM


Faith-Thanks for the complement. It is ironic that when I talk I use alot of words and say nothing LOL
____________________________________________
Margherita-evaporation eh? Now there's an idea, thanks!


Lori

Sunshine
Administrator
Member Empyrean
since 1999-06-25
Posts 63354
Listening to every heart
8 posted 2011-03-11 04:54 PM


Concise, tight.

Good.


steavenr
Member Elite
since 2003-11-17
Posts 4058

9 posted 2011-03-13 09:29 PM


"a growing
painful pool
of past"

...hmmmm....now there's a thought worth thinking about...excellent write

katahdin
Senior Member
since 2010-07-01
Posts 1196
ME. In the Shadow of the Mt.
10 posted 2011-03-14 12:42 PM


Nicely done and thought provoking! I can't pick a favorite line because all of it is my favorite! Enjoyed!
Kat >^..^<

Lori Grosser Rhoden
Member Patricius
since 2009-10-10
Posts 10202
Fair to middlin' of nowhere
11 posted 2011-03-14 08:22 AM


Sushine thanks for the complement! (my jeans are a little concise too I've noticed)
____________________________________________
Steaven- glad to give you food for thought, glad you liked!
____________________________________________
Kat-wow thanks for all the compliments! Much appreciated!


Lori

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